Items That Didn’t Make The Cut For Goop’s Annual Holiday Gift Guide

If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing what made the cut (and/or think I’m kidding about this), here’s the guide for 2017~*~
Kari Shea

1. A bottle of wine where the wine is somehow made up of crushed diamonds. You actually also can’t drink it, only smell it. $4 trillion.

2. Scotch glasses carved out of recovered Brontosaurus bones. $7,000,000.

3. A glass fruit bowl for pomegranates ONLY. $6,500,000.

4. An iPhone case that’s just another iPhone. $900.99

5. Mascara made out of real eyelashes and gold — perfect as a stocking stuffer ladies! $300.

6. A bottle opener, but it’s actually a person who will come and open any bottles for you. Paid $85/hourly.

7. A beach house in Rhode Island for that guy you’ve been seeing since October. $35,000/day.

8. Thigh high suede boots for your dog. $872 (per leg).

9. ‘Second Skin Gloves’: gloves that are undetectable to anyone but you, so that you don’t have to touch other people with your bare skin ever. Gross! $2 billion.

10. The copyright ownership to ‘Skinny Love’ by Bon Iver for literally no other reason than now nobody can play it ever again (without having to pay you.) $55.

11. A sports bra made out of healing crystals. $215.

12. Everlasting love and happiness and a sense of overall fulfillment in every area of your life. $15.

13. An easily attachable shower head that funnels in the appropriate amount of dopamine into your brain whenever you take a shower. $6 billion.

14. Life size statue of Gwynenth Paltrow, made out of recycled canned soup (her greatest fear). $8.9 million.

15. A functioning wand with your patronus already programmed into it. $7,000.

16. A bathrobe that reverses the aging process (available to be monogrammed for an extra cost). $10,000.

17. Instead of candles, you can hire this guy who will stand in various rooms and wear a hat that’s on fire. $3 bajillion/hour. TC mark

Instagram Poet’s “3-Step Book” To Conquer Trauma

Depression is real. Anxiety is real. PTSD is real. ALL mental illnesses are real. Don’t believe anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise.

Every time I’m stressed I distract myself with doing something nice for someone else and it’s the best thing on this planet to watch someone’s eyes light up because they weren’t expecting something nice to happen.

Click here to learn about Nikita

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Image Credit: Kari Shea

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