1. Be positive! Yes, he lives with his girlfriend, and yes, he lives in a completely different city than you on the opposite side of the country — but this is love! It’s Fall and magic is in the air! And you want him, so you should get him, that’s how everything works. Just think positive thoughts and everything will fall into place. Make zero changes to who you are as a person.
2. Don’t try so hard! Play hard to get! I know, you actually live 3,000 miles away and he’s not trying to get you at all because he has a girlfriend and they live together, but that doesn’t mean you should act so desperate. Be the Cool Girl of his dreams and never talk to him — he’ll come crawling to you.
3. Keep your dating standards high! Do not date anyone else while you miserably pine over this guy. He’s the one. You know he’s the one, because he’s dating someone who isn’t you. Haha, it literally doesn’t make any sense that he’s not in love with you!?
4. Get your hopes up! Once you’ve set unrealistic dating standards, it’s time to drive yourself insane by convincing yourself that this could actually happen. Once you’re in the same city, there’s no conceivable way he’d choose his live-in girlfriend of several years over you. You’re so laid-back!
5. Befriend his girlfriend. Haha, what? That would be crazy! Shut up, do it.
6. Pine endlessly over him! His dark eyes, his smile, his sense of humor, the way he looks at his girlfriend in Instagram photos. Sigh. It’s gonna be great when he somehow falls in love with you without you making any effort or being right for him in any way.
7. Can you make yourself look like his girlfriend? Maybe do, like, a little Parent Trap swap on him? Haha, I’m just kidding (if you think this isn’t that crazy, please email me).
8. Stare at his name on Facebook messenger and will him to message you first so that he can fall in love with you! Like, I’ve listened to The Secret on Audiobook, this is what it was all about. Brain power!
9. Fantasize your future together! It’s the life he’s currently living with his girlfriend, but with you instead. He doesn’t really love her, does he?