1. Is his Murray Hill apartment co-signed by his parents?
2. Do he have his parents’ credit card on him “just in case”?
3. Has he gushed about the new brunch place he just went to?
4. Was said brunch place actually an abandoned dumpster in a rat-infested alleyway behind a Whole Foods in Brooklyn?
5. But it had bottomless mimosas for $15, right?
6. And even though he just violently complained about how overpriced Whole Foods is, he still shops there?
7. How many Instagram followers does he have? Is it way more than you think is possible for someone who says he “writes for the internet”?
8. Is he vocal about politics? Are you positive, after listening to him talk about politics, that he actually have no idea what the fuck is going on?
9. Is he drinking a
10. Has he expressed disdain in drinking any sort of milk that wasn’t sourced from some kind of nut?
11. Is his iPhone 6 charger frayed at the end?
12. Does he even have an iPhone charger?
13. Did he invite you to go to a farmer’s market?
14. Did he say he needed to buy some fenugreek seeds at said farmer’s market?
15. Did he justify his need to go to the farmer’s market because of all his very specific dietary restrictions?
16. Are you confused how he can afford fancy seeds when he just told you that he actually doesn’t work in a physical office, but spends all day in whatever artisanal coffee shop is closest to him (as long as there’s free wifi)?
17. Does he sometimes work from home and like it?
18. Is he boycotting TV until Game of Thrones comes back?
19. Has he checked the number of views on his Snapchat story?
20. Did he just slut-shame a Snapchat filter?
21. Did he mention that girls are hotter on Bumble than they are on Tinder?
22. But he still uses both apps, right?
23. Has he told you cable television is dead?
24. But his parents still pay for his Hulu subscription?
25. Would he run into oncoming traffic for a selfie?
26. Has he verbally hashtagged something to you?