“I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2.” — Amy Dunne describing the Cool Girl in “Gone Girl.”
1. You don’t understand the appeal of being cool with leaving relationships open-ended and ambiguous. “We’re just hanging out” is such a massive turn off for you. (*Petition to end the “Netflix and chill” movement.*)
2. You get incredibly frustrated making plans with large groups of people because the responsibility always lands on you to figure out what you’re doing, where you’re meeting, and at what time.
3. And speaking of time, you compulsively add on 30 minutes to whatever time people initially text you. You know that when they say to meet at the restaurant at 10pm, they really mean meet at 10:45pm and oh, surprise!, their ride dipped out at the last second so could you also pick them up too?
4. People telling you to relax or calm down makes you want to set your hair on fire.
5. You’re seen as “weird” and “neurotic” because you DO give a fuck. In relationships, how people view you, work ethic, etc. Why is it cool to not care about anything???!!!
6. At the same time, you’re also viewed negatively when you make it clear that you don’t give a fuck. Because you’re not the type to pretend to be into something to impress people, and that can sometimes come off as intimidating.
7. You’re never “whatever.” If you have an opinion, you’ll say it. Chillness is synonymous with vacant and unopinionated— you’re much more passionate and enthusiastic.
8. You completely resent the “you’re not like other girls” line. How and why is that a compliment??
9. The thought of having free time to “relax” is an utter nightmare.
10. You can’t and won’t just “leave things alone” or “go with the flow.” You will make a fuss if the dishes have been piled up in the sink for over a week. You will get irritated when someone fails to follow through at the last minute with what they promised to do.
11. But just because you’re not ~*~cool~*~ when things go awry doesn’t mean you can’t handle it. You won’t play dead when things go wrong, you’re certified (and usually immediately depended upon) to take care of business and fix the issue.
12. No matter how much easier life would be if you faked it, you would never pretend to be a Cool Girl. You’re not going to engulf 3-5 cheeseburgers at a barbecue to show off. You’re (painfully) aware you’ll projectile vomit if you try drinking shot for shot with The Guys, so you’re not even going to try. Dirty jokes have their moments, but if they get weird, you have zero qualms shutting them down. 
