15 Times Women’s Magazines Gave You The Worst Possible Dating Advice
By Katie Mather
1. When they urged you to accuse his dad of hitting on you to ~lighten the mood.~
“Text this: ‘Was that your hand rubbing my leg under the table or your dad’s?’
Here’s why: meeting the parents is always a biggie—it’s good to lighten the mood with a little flirty humor.”
7 Flirty Texts to Send Your Man
2. When they told you to hook up with a Jewish frat star for the free food.
“The guy in a Jewish frat. Frats are obviously pretty disgusting and awful and often smell funky, but you’ll kind of feel like you’re in The Skulls for a hot second before it gets old. And if you go Jewish, you might get to hit up fun weddings with free food and stuff.”
—“9 Types of Guys You Must Hook Up With In College—And Then Never Again”
3. When they advised you to share your freakiest spring break stories and eat cheese fries to leave him wanting more.
“At the end of the night, tease him with a juicy nugget of info. (‘Next time, remind me to tell you about my crazy spring break in Daytona.’) He’ll push you to spill, but wave him off and say, ‘Sorry—got to get inside! It’s that kind of story that needs telling over cheese fries…’”
—Seventeen Ultimate Guide to Guys: What He Thinks about Flirting, Dating, Relationships, and You!
4. When they suggested his personality is less important than where his feet are pointing.
“Problem: two hot guys who are also roommates are hitting on you. You have to pick one fast. No pressure.
“Look down. Go with the guy whose feet are pointed towards yours and who your feet point toward as well. This is a sign you connect on a deeper level.”
—Cosmopolitan: November 2012, Part 6
5. When they said you won’t seem funny unless you quote Talladega Nights.
“Guys all have the same interests and find the same things funny, so if a girl quotes anything from Family Guy or a Will Ferrell movie, she’s hilarious.”
—Seventeen Ultimate Guide to Guys: What He Thinks about Flirting, Dating, Relationships, and You!
6. When they reassured you it’s ok to stalk as long as you love him.
“‘Every day, my girl friend would stop by my lunch table to talk,’ said Michael, age 19. ‘I got used to seeing her regularly and started looking forward to her dropping by. One day it hit me that I want to spend even more time with her.’”
—Seventeen Ultimate Guide to Guys: What He Thinks about Flirting, Dating, Relationships, and You!
7. When they recommended putting up with his asshole behavior because his tummy’s probably grumbling.
It’ll be OK if he wants to end your walk early because he’s hangry. He can show his weaknesses in front of you. Which basically means when you’re out on a hike and he wants to leave because he hasn’t eaten in hours, he can do that.
11 Reasons He Loves Spending Time With You More Than Anyone Else
8. When they broke the news that you’re not really worth his friends’ time.
“Even though a player’s bros may be friendly enough, they probably won’t ask you many personal questions about your job, interests, etc. The ugly truth: They don’t want to invest time and energy getting to know you because they figure you’re not going to be around very long.”
—7 Surprising Signs He’ll Never Marry You
9. When they proposed that you’re incapable of acting sane because you’re a woman.
“What Not to Get Noticed For:
– Doing a keg stand while wearing a baby-doll dress and no panties.
– Bursting into tears anytime a guy you’re talking to excuses himself to go grab another drink.
– Flying into a homicidal rage when the bartender gives you a full-calorie beer instead of a lite beer.”
—The Secret to Getting Any Guy
10. When they discovered the secret meaning behind the oh-so-mysterious head tilt.
“The head tilt is a subconscious come-hither signal to any femme the guy has feelings for. So if that man you’ve been making eyes with for the last hour gives you the head tilt, that’s your cue to go in for the kill and introduce yourself or even send him a drink.”
—Body Language Decoder
11. When they urged you not to be yourself because only “fun girls” get the guy.
“Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (‘It’s hot in here!’), pessimism (‘There will definitely be another terrorist attack’), or snarky quip (‘Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!’) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting.”
—How to Be a Total Man-Magnet
12. When they explained how to *Facebook Flirt* by making your friends think you’re insane.
“Your secret shout-out [on your Facebook status] will become a cute way to stay on his mind. Ignore the ‘???’ comments from your friends and wait for his ‘like’ to make the next move.”
—Seventeen Ultimate Guide to Guys: What He Thinks about Flirting, Dating, Relationships, and You!
13. When they encouraged you to overanalyze your texts.
“Watch what you text. Everyone knows that ‘I miss you’ really means ‘I’m obsessed with you,’ and that ‘Good morning!’ means ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night.’ Don’t drop these phrases when you’re only trying to be sweet and flirty.”
—Seventeen Ultimate Guide to Guys: What He Thinks about Flirting, Dating, Relationships, and You!
14. When they told you his happiness is a reason to be suspicious.
“If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”
—How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating
15. Same goes for his tight throat muscles.
“… ‘So if he begins swallowing a lot during your conversation, it’s because he’s trying to loosen up those throat muscles.’ Pay attention to the topic you hit on when this happens — it will give you a hint as to what his secret relates to.”
—How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating