I wholeheartedly identify as a Cat Lady. I own a cat (hi baby, mommy loves you), and she is a superstar. I would love nothing more than to cuddle up on the couch with my little ball of fur and binge on some Netflix. I am not alone, either; you know you love cats, or your best friend does—it’s science.
What started as a degrading term for nice old ladies who love their cats has now become a proud identity for women across the world. Yes, there are horrifying news stories of the cats who eat their deceased owners, but for every sad story, there are a million fuzzy kitten calendars.
Taylor Swift? Cat Lady. Katy Perry? Cat Lady. James Franco? Cat Lady. There hasn’t actually been a clear definition of whether or not male cat fanatics can be classified as cat “ladies,” but let’s go with it. If James Franco likes it, I do, too. Also, Ian Somerhalder loves his cat, so the Male Cat Lady Club is strong.
As with all things, there are drawbacks to being a Cat Lady. For example, the guy on a date with you doesn’t want to hear about how Snuggleboots got the name Snuggleboots. And also, yeah sometimes there’s a story about a cat eating its dead owner, but that’s just the circle of life. You know what makes up for those things? Cat puns. Cat puns are the purfect add-in to your daily conversation to give it a little snazz and jazz. That purse is on sale? You have gato be kitten me right meow. So yeah, your cat may eat you when you die, but nothing beats their lovable cattitude.
Speaking of cattitude, felines are bossy and demanding, and they use you more than that fake friend from high school, but they make up for it by being cute. Take a picture of them and your Instagram game just went up exponentially. A picture of you holding your newborn nephew in the hospital will get a respectable amount of likes, but “Look at my new kitten!” and you’ve reached a new level of success. Hashtag it #Caturday with your blanket and coffee on a lazy Saturday, and you’re set.
Cats cuddle with me, let me photograph them, and make the cutest purring sound—what more could I want? To be a cat. The Aristocats got it right. Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat. Not even kidding; why wouldn’t you want that? If you look at your cat right now, it’s napping. If you look at it an hour from now, it will be napping. And a day from now, still napping. They do nothing for all of their lives, and I envy it. Sometimes they chase lights, eat, or catch little mice and leave them on the carpet for you, but 95% of the time they are doing absolutely nothing and that is a lifestyle I desire.
Their lifestyle is fur-ballin’ while also chiller than the pint of ice cream I ate after I didn’t go to the gym last week. I can’t be a cat no matter how hard I try, so the next best thing is to be a Cat Lady.