A Thank You To My Ex

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There are a vast number of things I could say to you. I could start by yelling at you, or cursing you for breaking my heart — which I gave to you so hesitantly. I could rant and rave and question why you would end something that seemed so right. Rethinking that night we got drinks and you told me your feelings towards me had changed still knocks the breath right out of me. If I let it, the anguish from the rejection I felt would drown me; I could travel down that rabbit hole where I question every moment we spent together. But I know deep down, that’s not fair — to me or to you.

Because there are the times when I close my eyes and let the memories of you wash over me — I remember our lips touching, my fingers brushing gently over your tattoo, you tracing the freckles on my back as if you were connecting the dots to make an imaginary masterpiece. And then I forget every bit of disdain I hold towards you.

On paper, we worked — the similarities we shared were uncanny. It was like at some point, our paths were meant to cross — we were meant to meet each other. We were each other’s crutch, both of us just out of relationships needing someone to hold onto when we were alone. But being each other’s band aid could only take us so far. And before we let things go any further, you had that guttural instinct that this wasn’t right. That’s why I want you to know that honestly I am not angry at you for ending things.

Not only do I appreciate the time you took to sit down and talk with me, I appreciate your utter honesty and sincerity. We didn’t sit there and scream at each other and cry over small things that we couldn’t fix. We just deserved better, and as perfect as we seemed to be, it wasn’t the right fit.

But what makes you unique is that you taught me it’s okay to tear down my walls and let another person in — even if it’s only for a fleeting moment. Seconds of bliss are better than hours of solitude. You taught me that I shouldn’t hold onto someone just because it feels comfortable. I want real love, that love that consumes you and the other person until it hurts. The kind of connection that at every level is just inexplicably right.

So instead of the vast things I could say to you, all I really have to say is thank you. Thank you for giving me the hope that the irreplaceable love exists for me—and I’m not afraid of wanting it anymore. TC mark

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