1. Start buying nice alcohol
Chances are by this point in your life you’re over 21. The point is you’re no longer hiding your water bottle of Malibu in the back of your closet praying your parents don’t find it. So step your game up.
Rubinoff and Franzia are for freshman. I’m not saying you should be a baller sipping on some Grey Goose and popping bottles of Dom, but come on, there’s Svedka, Smirnoff, and ya know, wine that comes in a bottle.
A friend of mine spilled cheap vodka on her foot the other day and it BURNED HER SKIN. Stop ingesting that crap!
2. Be you
I am 22 years old and I love Harry Potter, think Gandalf is the ultimate badass, know when Winter Is Coming, and want nothing more than to fan-girl at a One Direction Concert (Harry, Niall, if you’re reading this..). My passions are WEIRD. I am fully aware of that.
I follow more French Bulldog accounts on Instagram than people, think Chrissy Teigen is my best friend, and could drone on for hours about the problems of the Real Housewives as if they were my own. These are the things I like. I don’t care if they’re not categorically “cool”. And you shouldn’t either. By this point in your life you should know who you are (or at least have a pretty good idea of it) and you should not be afraid to start showing it. I’m so much happier with my life in college because I am who I am and I don’t try to hide it.
I don’t sweep the embarrassing parts of myself under the rug. Conformity is so high school. You shouldn’t be trying to fit in anywhere at college. There are no cool kids in a school with 15,000 plus people. Know that.
3. Go to the gym
It sucks, I know –- but get your ass off the couch and DO IT. Exercising isn’t only good for the body, but it’s good for the mind as well. It gives you clarity. I do some of my best deep thinking on the elliptical -– heck I practically wrote this whole post on one! Lift weights. Take group fitness classes. Push yourself. If you haven’t noticed it by now, your metabolism is basically non-existent by this point in your life. You have a FREE gym membership, utilize it! If you don’t know how valuable that is, inquire about the monthly prices at a top of the line gym like Equinox. That’ll motivate you.
4. Stop feeling post party shame
How many mornings of your college career have you woken up from a night out, only to be immediately overwhelmed by the impending sense of guilt, shame, and self-loathing? Maybe you drunk ate six slices of pizza last night and now you want to die? Well, was that pizza a glowing slice of ‘everything that is right in the world’ at the time? Did you fall in love? Was it cheesy? Was it good? Damn right it was! And you loved it! Four hundred calories or not, refer to number 3, and then move on.
Did you text the guy you like last night and get no response? Did you convince yourself you didn’t care what the outcome was as you were typing away, deciding it was just going to be a YOLO moment? Yep, I bet you did. Maybe you spilled your guts to someone or professed your undying love (probably lust) for them. Now you’ve awoken only to realize your deepest darkest secrets are in the slippery hands of someone you hardly know, let alone trust. We’ve all done it. We have all done ALL of these things. Have you ever noticed that when you’re wallowing in your bed replaying all the stupid things you said and did last night in your head, you can only remember YOUR actions but never those of the other person? Have you ever thought that same principle might apply to their memory as well?
We stew over these dumb things as if they’ve some how so severely altered the courses of our lives and we will NEVER recover. Stop being so melodramatic. Chances are everyone was just as drunk as you were and we’re all just sailing down the river of regret together. And if not, then so what? It’s your last semester of college. Do you really think John from Economics class is going to matter 6 months from now? Doubtful. Don’t sweat the small stuff, because I can guarantee a week from now you’ll look back and laugh. Think about all the fun you had, and hold onto that, because those are the moments you’ll cherish ten years from now, when you’d give anything to have even just one night as ridiculous as those.
5. LOVE the friends you have and leave the toxic ones at the door
This is probably the most important part of this entire post. You have been at this school for the last four years. You have probably cycled in out of a few friend groups by now, but there are a core group of three or four people who have been by your side since day one.
These are your best friends. Love them. Support them. Spend all of your time with them.
Do you know how much more fun it is sit on the couch with your friends watching TV rather than by yourself? The trek to their place is ALWAYS worth it. With the end of your college career nearing, it’s time to drop those toxic ones as well. If they bring you down, if the friendship feels more like a relationship, if they don’t call you back, or worse, if they only call you when they need something, show them the door. They won’t be there post graduation, so why waste your time? GIRL BYE (lolz I had to though).
6. Cancel your tanning membership
Go to your tanning salon, pay the cancellation fee, and never look back. Do you know how bad those beds are for you? I’m sure you do. If you’re not fully aware of the freckles you’ve accumulated over the years, or the slowly deepening wrinkles, you’re completely oblivious to what’s going on. You know what’s great? Spray tans! Cancer free and a healthy glow. Get one.
7. Go out often and stay out late
You know what’s fun? Bars. You know what’s more fun? Staying up until 4am playing Cards Against Humanity with your friends afterwards.
College is the only time in your life you can have total control over your schedule. So take advantage of it. I spent six months interning in the field I hope to aspire to work in post-grad; I had to be up at 5:30am and didn’t get home until much later. I could barely make it through the day with a 9pm bedtime, imagine with two hours of sleep and a hangover! It won’t happen.
So take advantage of the perks college life provides. I went out on a Monday last week just because I could, and it was wonderful. I’m not going to lie, I’m guilty of choosing House of Cards over a Thursday night at the campus bar, sometimes it’s just much more appealing -– I know. But this is your LAST SEMESTER EVER, so just do it. Get up. Go. You won’t regret it, I promise. Wake up the next morning, and go to brunch. Order four Bloody Mary’s, make friends with the people at the table next to you, play card games, and make those damn memories!
8. What’s love got to do with it?
I tell my friends constantly that my biggest fear in life is to never find a husband, ending up alone with just my dogs as my children.
My Facebook is ALREADY riddled with engagements and baby showers. What is going on?! When did 22 become the new 35?? What’s the big rush!? We have YEARS before we need to start worrying about fears of eternal loneliness. So stop looking for love. If you haven’t met anyone worthwhile in these last four years you probably won’t in these last few months. So be like Adele Dazeem and Let It Goooo. College is about exploration and finding out what you like. This same principle applies to dating as well. So meet lots of people, go on every date your offered, and just enjoy the experience and the people you’re with.
9. Go to the dining hall
Organic non-GMO chicken breast and your $11.00 green smoothie will always be there. But, you know what won’t? Unlimited pizza, buffet style eating that encourages gluttony, and dishes that get cleaned by simply being placed on a conveyor belt. So, you’re a senior, and presumably you have a kitchen. I do. I cook every meal. I don’t even remember the last time I set foot in my dining hall. But I’m going to do it. Why? Well because I’m writing this post and it’d be hypocritical if I didn’t. BUT, also because I know behind those doors is a plethora of “free” pizza, wraps, omelets, sushi, and some fine ass cookies waiting for me. So do it once, take a Tums after, and check it off your list.
10. Wear sweatpants. Everywhere.
Do you know how much of a luxury it is that in college it’s socially acceptable to wear sweat pants literally everywhere?! I’m talking class, assemblies, meetings with professors, the dining hall, and any shop within a 10-mile radius of your campus. It’s considered NORMAL. It’s awesome.
Just wait until you graduate. I’ve never felt more ostracized in my life then when I wore my velour Juicy sweatpants (never going out of style in my mind) and my extra large college sweatshirt to the Duane Reade across from my New York apartment. SO. MANY. STARES. It took me all of thirty seconds to realize I was no longer on a college campus, but rather amongst the citizens of the Upper East Side who were seeing me as the actual slob that my appearance was projecting. Who knew the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look was so un-chic? So do it now, when people won’t even do a double take.
11. Take pictures
They say a picture is worth a thousand words -– and I can tell you some of the ones I have of my friends and I from these last few years are worth that plus a thousand gut wrenching laughs.
Pictures are a tangible form of all the memories you’ve made. They allow you to revisit great times and relive the moments. It’s really kind of awesome when you think about it. Instagram everything and anything you want! I’m not saying be the girl with the digital camera who’s making everyone stop and pose –- it doesn’t have to be like that. Just break out your iPhone and capture the moment!
You don’t have to post pictures to social media sites if you don’t want to. Rather, take them for yourself and revisit them when you’re looking for a good ol’ reminiscing sesh. You’ll be happy you did.
Basically, what I’m trying to get at here is that it’s time to finally come to terms with the fact that the best four years of your life are coming to a close. It’s scary, exhilarating, slightly depressing, the equivocal emotional roller coaster of a Taylor Swift album — but it’d be much worse if you left feeling like you hadn’t gone out with a bang. So live it up! The real world awaits your arrival.
Side note, my friends are trying to attempt a handstand-door-twerk as I write this. One just fell on her head. Another is snap-chat recording the whole thing. I think one may be choking from laughing so hard. If that’s not the quintessential image of everything I’ve been trying to tell you via this post, then you really just didn’t get it. At all.