1. Your house is too messy to even think of taking a full-length picture of your outfit, because then the entire Instagram community would be privy to the lingering remnants of rejected outfits you tried this morning but have yet to hang up again.
2. You don’t drink coffee, so you may as well not have an Instagram account at all.
3. Sometimes you want to use ten hashtags to connect with more people (i.e. get more followers), but then you remember your friends IRL follow you on Instagram, and they would definitely judge you for your Insta-tactics.
4. You have too much integrity to resort to hashtag deception (like adding #kendalljenner on one of your selfies) just to get more people to look at your pictures.
5. At least once, you’ve been scrolling through a (fashionable, hot, good-quote-having) stranger’s Instagram history, when you accidentally liked one of their pictures from 48 weeks ago.
6. You’ve spent entirely too much time reading through all the comments on a celebrity’s photo to figure out what prompted a profanity-laden feud between two high school girls.
7. You’ve received a completely unprovoked rude comment on one of your best selfies, and you seriously wondered if the bad press might’ve jeopardized its true “like” potential.
8. Maybe you lied about #nofilter once.
9. You love delicious foods that aren’t conventionally attractive like mashed potatoes, meatloaf, white bread, and spaghetti, and that makes all your food porn hashtags feel a little fetishy.
10. Maybe you’d take more selfies if you put more effort into your appearance/hygiene on a daily basis.
11. At least once you’ve ordered a dessert that looks like a culinary masterpiece, and once the coast was clear you whipped out your phone to snap a quick pic. But right as your flash was going off, the waiter came back and saw you taking a picture of your food, and you wanted to crawl under the table and die.
12. You’ve taken a low-key selfie from the passenger seat while someone else was driving.
13. You’re reticent to let people flip through the photo album on your phone, because they might come across some unflattering selfies from your Good Hair Day Selfie photo shoot last week.
14. You’ve paused a conversation with, “Hold on, let me Instagram this really quick.”
15. Someone’s caught you taking a selfie, and you pretended like something was in your eye.
15. You don’t understand how some people know so many different hashtags. Are they making this shit up as they go along?
16. Sometimes you don’t think a picture you posted got the amount of likes it deserved (and then you promptly hate yourself for caring about something so stupid).
17. You downloaded VSCOcam but didn’t understand what the big fuss was about.
18. Sometimes you creep through the fitness Instagram accounts and feel a little worse about all the extra-cheese lasagna that’s in your oven.
19. If you haven’t posted anything in a while, you’ve Instagrammed a mediocre picture of your cat or the sky.
20. You’ve enjoyed a quote that someone else posted, but you refrained from regramming it because you have reputation to uphold.
21. You’ve felt like a weird stalker every time you’ve had to press the play button for a video multiple times (mostly because each time it didn’t play, you became a little more determined to watch the video).
22. You’ve identified certain patterns, like which of your followers routinely like your selfies or who only comments on your snapshots of nature.
23. Some people have a clearly-defined aesthetic; you have screenshots of text message conversations.
24. Sometimes you go the Explore tab just to judge.
25. You accidentally followed someone whose account is private. Then they accepted you, and you felt like you were welcomed into the Illuminati.
26. Whenever you get a notification that one of your Facebook friends just joined Instagram, you know it’s never going to be anyone you care about, because all the interesting people have already been using Instagram for a long time now.