1. Women with large breasts can form a little belly that nobody notices under the umbrella of their boobs. As a small-breasted woman, I have no such privilege. When I gain weight, my torso does not look like a mushroom—it looks like a Hershey Kiss.
2. The girl at Victoria Secret says I’m at “32 Double-D.” Can you imagine me telling some guy that I’m wearing a double-D? I’ll sound delusional, that’s the frosting on the cake for someone as bony as myself.
3. Should I stop wearing a bra like Jennifer Aniston on FRIENDS? Or would that do more harm than good for the doorknobs?
4. Recently, several people have pointed out how I wear baggy clothing. If I wore tight clothing, wouldn’t they notice my lack of breasts more? Just trying to leave room for imagination, folks. Then again: that may lead to accusations of deceitfulness in the bedroom.
5. Do they look bigger hanging from above or resting from down bellow?
6. When my last boyfriend left me for another girl with my same name, was it because she’s clearly a double-D? Because (other than that) we are the same person.
7. When a guy says, “boobs are boobs, big or small,” he’s lying.
8. When the male cashier at Gap Body rings up my bras, is he silently judging me for my A-cup? Am I supposed to care what a cashier thinks, let alone a cashier who works at The Gap?
9. Why did my mother allow me to sleep on my stomach as a child? It’s as though I was a growing vegetable, and she didn’t even try to point me toward the sun.
10. I’m one of those girls who usually likes boys who like boys. I think it’s because I subconsciously know they’ve accepted people with flat chests.
11. I can never say, “Well there’s always that job at Hooters.”
12. Does the birth control pill really make them bigger?
13. It probably doesn’t help my case for cuteness to have such a bad attitude about my body…