They say the best relationships are those you don’t need to work at. This is a lie. While yes, the most satisfying feeling is not having to put extreme effort in, it is necessary in terms of growth.
With you, this is a lesson I’ve grappled to come to terms with.
Often my own insecurities plague my mind and fill me with dread. I then allow my paranoia to manifest into reality, creating issues where they don’t belong — between us.
Instead of letting my past affect our future, it is an active battle of training myself to break the mold that I frequently find myself returning to.
While it is a struggle, it is one worth going through. We may not have serious problems to work through together (thankfully), but the presence of my past leads to me realize that I need to work through things of my own in order to better serve us both.
I am appreciative of your understanding and patient nature. I know I am not easy to love. I am a ball of anxiety, paranoia, fear and distrust. But this is not because of you. And I need to remind myself of that.
You are not the men who hurt me recklessly, with no remorse. You are not the men who took advantage of my trusting ways for their own pleasure. You are not the men who only wanted me when it was most convenient to them, only to toss me aside afterward as if I have no real value. You are not the men who made me cry for nights on end. You are not the men who made me give more of myself than I ever needed to.
You are not the man that will make it hard for me to love you. I have been through so many heartaches before you, and I now know why.
You’re the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining. Every fucking cliche — it’s all you.
Thank you for showing me what it is to be truly valued and cared for. Thank you for reminding me what it is to love purely and be loved in return.