I’ve Evolved Without You, But I Still Think Of You

There is no greater pain than being without the one you love.

Having been constantly in your presence to now being without your radiance and wisdom is a withdrawal I am learning to deal with every day.

Your absence still manages to hits me in waves — violent, destructive and overwhelming enough to make me forget how to tread waters without struggling. I now grapple with keeping my head above the water when my thoughts are full of you, because memories of us soon turn into me drowning in regret.

Timing was never in our favor.

It took years for me to recognize what was in front of me, and as soon as I did, I was immediately robbed of the first true love I’ve ever felt. Still, I search for you in my everyday routine but you’re nowhere to be found.

I should have expected this. Letting you go was a mistake I am now well acquainted with, and I have learned to face the consequences of moving forward without you by my side.

I have managed to evolve without you; I have changed.

You’d be proud of the woman I have grown to become. Because of you, I began to realize how worthy I was of the greater things life has to offer. I can finally say I’m doing better than I was before I met you, but I don’t think I’ll ever be as happy as I was when I was surrounded by your light.

I miss you, and I am not denying it. I am ashamed that I still miss you, but I am human and I make mistakes. I can try and try to extinguish the feelings that I have for you, but my efforts will never do much to put our fire out because it still burns for me.