I think there’s something truly remarkable about first loves. There are three categories of first loves to me, only one of which I have had as of now.
There is the indescribable first love that is mutual. The first boy who treats you like a goddess. he takes you on random drives down the interstate at 2 in the morning and he lets you play your favorite band, driving recklessly with no destination in sight.
He’s the boy your parents meet and fall in love with. The boy you take to your family Thanksgiving dinner. The boy who holds conversations with your grandmother as he sits along with her watching telenovelas while everyone else is watching the football game.
He takes your brothers to the arcade spontaneously, he picks them up from soccer practice and drives you all to school in the early morning. He’s the boy you see a future with, the guy you want your kids to call ‘dad’. He’s your first love, and you are his.
Then there is the the first love that is so painful to watch from the sidelines, the love you can’t return. He is the boy who bought roses for you to ask you to dinner, only to find out you wouldn’t be in town that weekend. The boy who spent weeks planning an elaborate ‘promposal’, only to be informed that you already have a date. The boy who lends you an endless amount of looseleaf in history class, he always saves you a spot in the cafeteria at the table you sit with all of your friends.
The guy you grew up with since you were eight, the boy who warned you about the boys who broke your heart. The boy who has stood by you through your countless ups and downs, the boy who confessed his love to you and tried to protect you from getting hurt while he was hurting.
He’s the boy you wish you could love, the boy you know you should be with, the boy who would treat you the absolute best of them all.
Then there is the first love that is the most influential, the love you never had. The unrequited love. He is the boy who gives you the illusion that things could work, that he loves you too. But he shows you words are only meaningful when they are accompanied by actions, which he lacked.
He is the boy who repeatedly made plans with you, only to cancel last minute on each occasion. He is the boy who won’t ever leave your mind, no matter how long it’s been. He is the first boy to make you cry in your mom’s arms. He is the boy who you were always there for, regardless of what time it was or if he’d broken your heart again the day before.
He’s the boy you wished things lasted with. He’s the boy your mom and dad hate, and rightfully so – he was the first to break their daughter’s heart. He is the boy who will forever be ingrained in your memory. The boy who you’ll think of when that song comes on shuffle. The boy you’ll find yourself thinking of at a concert because once, when things were good, he promised he’d take you to one. He’s the first boy who showed you things don’t always work in your favor.
He’s the boy who broke your heart, and didn’t love you back.