When You Break Up With The First Person You’ve Ever Loved And It Feels Like Everything’s Falling Apart

image - Flickr / Kevin Dooley
image – Flickr / Kevin Dooley

I know in my mind it’s not rational, but honestly, I’m scared…

  • of not being the most special person to you anymore, and vice versa.
  • of having sex with someone else and it being a horrible disaster. And I’m scared of you having sex with someone and it making what we had less special.
  • of finding out through Facebook that you’re dating someone new.
  • of not being able to get you back if I wanted to.
  • that I’ll never find someone that loves me like you did.
  • that you have a happier life now that I’m not in it, but I hope one day I can be a big enough person to want that for you.
  • that you’ll find out about my rebound because I wasn’t ready and I regret it.
  • that you’ll feel awkward and uncomfortable whenever you see me.
  • of what your family and friends must think of me.
  • of you referring to me as your “ex”.
  • of how you will speak about me and what happened between us.
  • that your next girlfriend will hate me and that you will let her.
  • that you will change for the better as you grow up and I will have missed it. But I’m also scared that I was the whole problem, not you.
  • that I’ll always compare you to any new guy I date, and that you will always out measure him.
  • that you will be incredibly successful in every aspect of your life while I never seem to fully get my life together.
  • that you’ll never tell me how you actually feel.
  • that I’ll never stop feeling like this.

But mostly I’m terrified I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life by letting you go. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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