If you’re like me, you’re currently staring at last week’s Tinder crush wondering why the heck he, like so many others, disappeared. Like me, you went on five dates. You let him pay for dinner, even though you’re financially capable. You waited an hour to text him back every time. You played the game, and then you slept with him.
And then he disappeared.
What really sucks here – more than knowing that once again, someone who was really good in bed slipped away – is that the precedent is set for the next man who comes into my life. We know that as young women who use dating websites and apps, we run the risk of encountering wolves in sheep’s clothing. Not everyone is looking for what we’re looking for – something of substance and value that isn’t temporary. Are we going to find it swiping left or right? Are life and love these days really as simple as taking someone to dinner a few times, sleeping with them, and then moving on to the next easy target?
The demise of a relationship is hard to accept. The end of a fling is hard to accept. Feeling rejected by someone you had developed feelings for is hard to accept. I grew up hearing my dad tell me to soften my edges – that the boys would come running once they were confident I wasn’t going to beat them up, and for once, I’m glad I never did.
There are almost a million different ways to assure someone that love will find them, and almost every one sounds as annoying as the last. So for now, I urge you to take these near-misses with heartbreak and heartache, take the missed calls and deleted texts, take the times you waited for your phone, your Facebook messenger, or even your Snapchat (come on, we’ve all done it) to go off – I urge you to take all those things and let them go. Because if the person you want isn’t trying to get in touch, they don’t want you, they’re never going to want you, and somewhere, in some supermarket, your soulmate is wondering why the heck asparagus is so expensive and why the heck they haven’t met you yet.
It’s been two weeks since I stopped wondering if Tinder Man Number Four would call me again, and in that time I’ve made up my mind to quit a job that makes me miserable, I went on a diet, I made myself call my mom more than once, and I made a promise to myself to stay away from people that make me feel like I am hard to love. If I can give up considering french fries as an actual meal and stop waiting for the wrong people to love me back, you can too.