As Halloween approaches, our thoughts turn to goblins, ghouls, gourds and of course, ghosts. But it’s not just haunted houses that experience paranormal activity. With people spending more and more time at work and sometimes even dying there, haunted office buildings have become increasingly common. Here are a few signs that your office may be haunted.
1. Objects move on their own.
You can’t find your stapler or your last bonus check, and your once substantial benefits have disappeared without a trace. Also the sandwich that you left in the fridge labeled “Do not eat,” has gone missing and has been replaced with a cryptic note that reads “Fuck you, Ted.” Evil is clearly afoot in your office.
2. You feel like you’re being watched.
You just can’t shake the feeling that you’re being watched by some otherworldly presence lurking in the shadows. And often when you look behind you, you see your boss staring at you from behind a ficus plant. You also get the creepy feeling he’s been reading your personal emails and monitoring your internet usage. Something paranormal, and potentially illegal, is definitely going on in your office.
3. You hear ghostly cries.
At lunchtime you hear a soft childlike weeping, the unmistakable sound of a creepy toddler ghost, coming from inside the women’s bathroom. Moments later, you pass your mousy assistant Hannah leaving that very same bathroom with red-rimmed, puffy eyes, muttering that she “just can’t take working here anymore.” She must have heard that horrible ghost too!
4. It smells like a coffin.
Out of nowhere, you’re bombarded by the thick, pungent stench of a rotting corpse. Frantically, you scour the office for the source of the odor, to no avail. You even beg your coworker Herb to help, but he just shrugs as he continues to eat his microwaved fish.
5. You feel dead inside.
For some unexplained reason, the minute you set foot in your office you feel an overwhelming sense of dread. And with each passing status meeting, client call, and awkwardly forced birthday celebration you feel the last bits of your tired soul slowly fading away. The feeling continues day after day, week after week until one day you wake up completely devoid of passion, resigned to your self-made prison of middle management, an empty human shell. Obviously this is the work of some pretty spooky ghosts!
6. There’s blood everywhere.
A sure sign that your office is haunted is that there is blood absolutely everywhere. It’s dripping from the walls, covering the floor, pouring from the ceiling and filling all of the toilet bowls. Yes, your office is located right next to a giant fake blood factory. And yes, their pipes are notoriously leaky. But you swear this stuff tastes human.
7. People are wandering around like zombies.
Lately it seems that your co-workers are behaving more dead than usual. Their eyes are lifeless and hollow. They speak only in moans or grunts. They walk with the slow, lethargic movements of the undead. You notice that someone has drunk the last of the coffee and has not bothered to refill the pot. Now you can be sure your office is haunted. Only satan himself could be so rude.