To The Girl Who Replaced Me

I can honestly say that for me and you–at least from my end–, it was hate at first sight. Seeing his arm around you and the smile lighting up the face that I loved for so long made me sick to my stomach. I hated the fact that someone else was making him that happy. I hated that the person who doesn’t love me back chose to love you instead.

The next week, I saw a photo of him kissing your cheek and enviously wished to be in your place once again. My temperature was rising and I could feel myself falling down a dangerous road of jealousy and self-doubt. Is she better then me? Prettier? Smarter? As my mind ran wild with comparisons between the two of us, I was only making myself more and more miserable.

I stalked you on social media, picking out every flaw that I could find. I ranted and raved to every close relative and friend that had an ear to lend. I called you every rotten name in the book just to make myself feel better. It was so easy to hate you because to me, you had no personality, backstory, past, personal quirks, stories, or experiences. Knowing absolutely nothing about you but the fact that you’ve claimed my previous spot by his side made it easy to paint you as a one-dimensional villain in my mind. To me, you were nothing more than the girl who stole something valuable from me.

For all of this, I am terribly sorry. To be honest with you, I’m very new to this. I’ve never been heartbroken before.

Never had a long-term boyfriend.

Never been in love.

Never lost that love.

And worst of all,

never had to watch that love get redirected towards someone else.

Here I sit, obsessing over you and your relationship with my previous love and you may not even know my name! Maybe he told you that he had a long-term girlfriend before but I can’t expect that he got into detail. I may just be a concept that you haven’t given much thought to. I realized that holding this one-sided grudge against you was unhealthy. Beyond that, I realized that you weren’t responsible for any of the reasons I hated you. In fact, we probably have more in common than in contrast–the same taste in men, to name the obvious example!

You probably met the same cute boy that I did all those years ago. The ridiculously tall one that’s impossible to miss, even in a crowd. He probably gave you the same easy smile that he gave me and I’m sure that you were just as quickly smitten as I was. As much as i’d like to blame you, your only crime was being attracted to the same boy as me and I can hardly condemn you for that!

On the subject of HIM. Let me get something straight with you before I’m done. Please listen to me when I tell you that you have the most AMAZING guy in front of you. Brilliant beyond all compare. He’s talented, driven, compassionate, honest, and incredibly thoughtful. Of course, you’ve probably seen these qualities already and don’t need ME to list them for you! However, please hear me out. My greatest mistake was not seeing what I had directly in front of me. I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have when I had the chance.
I urge you not to be as foolish and short-sighted as I was.

Listen to him when he needs to vent. He loves a busy and stressful life and will rely on you to be his rock, his cheerleader, and his support system all wrapped in one. Please take those responsibilities seriously and be the stability that he needs.

Be affectionate! I wasn’t nearly as cuddly and romantic as I should have been and I wasn’t as comfortable expressing my feelings as I could have been. Make sure to shower him with hugs and kisses when he needs them and even when he doesn’t. Hold his hand in front of your friends. Guy friends, girl friends, etc. Show him that you’re proud to be on his arm!
Always be honest with him. Always. He appreciates that more than anything.

Make sure he’s your top priority that he knows it! He’s your boyfriend, yes, but beyond that he is your significant other and partner. As such, he is your primary concern and you need to ensure that he feels secure in that position. Don’t let him doubt for a second that he is your #1!

Trust him unconditionally. He has a heart of gold and his intentions are always pure. Even if he makes mistakes–which he will, because he’s human–try to keep in mind that it was done without malice. He will always do his best but even the best of us slip up sometimes.

Treat him to dates when you can! I wish I had been financially capable of doing that more often but he will take you out to eat often and it adds up. Give him a break from the spending occasionally and I’m sure he’ll be more than appreciative! Beyond that, if any guy deserves to be treated, it’s undoubtably him.

And finally, while the thought of him calling you all the cute pet-names he called me and telling you how lucky he was to find you will still probably give me an uncomfortable knot in my stomach on occasion, I can look back with some maturity on the situation and remember that you aren’t to blame for anything that has gone on. I lost him because of my own mistakes and other weaknesses in our relationship for which you are faultless.

I started this letter by saying that it was hate at first sight for me and you. I’m telling you now that it doesn’t have to be. We don’t have to hate or resent each other because we have something AMAZING in common. Being in love with him is something I will never regret, even when it hurts. Don’t make the same mistakes that I did and please, enjoy every moment you have with him because every second is a gift! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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