I read a couple of things on the idea of forever and how it should be changed. The essence of this idea is that no one can promise forever because we never know what will happen to us or the world or our feelings. So we put pressure on ourselves to make sure we can keep this promise of forever but then the immense pressure we put on ourselves for this, the pressure of forever, is ultimately our undoing. Based on this idea, trying to live up to forever is an impossible standard and it causes us to be so stressed out and it causes anxiety, commitment issues, fear, and ultimately it’s what causes relationships to breakdown. Because forever is way too much to ask of someone.
I don’t think forever causes anxiety and the fear of commitment. I think the fear of forever was borne out of the fear of commitment that we all seem to have, generation Y especially (studies have proven this to be true). I think we’re so afraid of being tied to one thing for such a long time that we’ve come up with this brilliant argument that the idea of forever is ridiculous and shouldn’t be something we have to think about at all.
This is faulty thinking. It’s shoving the blame over to a concept so that we don’t have to deal with the pressure of commitment. But commitment is important. Forever isn’t just about going where your feelings take you (or staying where your feelings are). It’s about choosing to stay. Choice is a huge part of any relationship. Our choices are what shapes us, they define us in the moments we make them. Our choices are our only legacies. And choosing forever is not impossible, nor is it a pressure. It’s is a commitment.
The only reason you’d ever feel doubt about choosing to be with one person for the rest of your life (basically forever) is if you doubt your love for that person or you’re afraid of being tied down. If you love someone so much that you’d take a bullet for them, then forever is an easy decision to make. If you aren’t afraid of learning and growing and living with people, then forever is an easy decision to make.
Forever is not an unrealistic expectation nor is it a burden. It’s a choice. And though choices can be tough and scary, they aren’t impossible.