I’m at that age and stage in life where everyone and their mom (and my mom, my husband’s mom, my grandma, my best friend…) is asking when we are having kids.
Well let me turn around and ask all of them a question –Do you not think I’m happy with my life? Do you think my life is missing something?
Because to me, my life seems pretty darn great right now.
And, to be honest, having kids scares me. It’s downright terrifying.
I know that my life revolves around me and the things I love, the things I want to do, and it all gets done in the way and at the time that I want it to. Throw a baby into the mix and the world falls off its axis and you have to realign it in an entirely new way.
I don’t know that I’m ready for that yet – that I’m ready to give up the current comfort of my life.
I’m extremely clean and organized. I don’t wait days before folding and putting laundry away. I never go to bed with a dirty kitchen – in fact, the dishes are typically done within an hour after eating dinner. My car has zero trash or miscellaneous items in it. My closets are organized by color and article type. I even organize my items at the grocery store checkout on the conveyer belt…all the cold/frozen items grouped together, all the boxed items lined up neatly together, canned items together, produce, you get the picture.
How in the HECK am I going to have time to do all of that and simultaneously try to keep a tiny human alive and happy? I’ll be lucky if the laundry makes it into the basket most days, much less separated out by color! Is my brain going to flip some miraculous switch where not being organized is suddenly a-okay with me just because I’m a mom now?
I love my hobbies. The two that are currently at the top of my list are running and cooking. Both of these things take time and are typically solo endeavors. Or at least not really newborn-friendly.
I realize that people are perfectly capable of running while pushing their child along in the stroller. But what about my body? Will it be able to withstand the 10 milers I was cranking out pre-pregnancy? Not to mention, I’ll have to plan my runs around when baby boy is awake – I can’t just head out whenever I feel like it.
And cooking – please put a new mom in front of me who is EXCITED to make dinner every night for her husband after taking care of a baby all day. Show me, I dare you. It will become a chore instead of something I used to do for fun.
Will my hobbies and passions slip by the wayside now that I have a baby to take care of?
There will be no more alone time for me and my husband.
We are fortunate in that we live close to a number of very eager and willing babysitters of friends and family, any of them are more than willing to spend 3 hours of their evening cuddling our precious baby knowing full well they’ll be able to return the baby to us and sleep soundly for the next 10 to 12 hours without interruption.
But for a majority of the time it will be me, the husband, and the baby. Even when the baby sleeps there will always be the threat the he will wake up at any time and interrupt whatever fight/movie/nap/conversation/sex (will I even want to do that anymore?!) we were having together. So while there will be times when it’s just the two of us in the room, the lingering “what if the baby wakes up” will more than likely cause us to speed up everything we try to do together to fit it all in before the screaming commences.
Will I ever get to have a full conversation with my husband, filled with all kinds of flowery details and he-said / she-said commentary without skipping over those parts to just get to the point in a hurry?
See, scary right? Some of my new-mommy friends have confirmed, “Yes, all of that is true. But when you have a baby all of your priorities change,” and “you’ll fall so in love with the baby that things that used to matter to you will no longer matter.”
Well what if I still want those things to matter? What if I don’t want to let go of my hobbies, my organized life, and the quality time with my husband?
Perhaps I should make another list counter to this one about why I am excited to have kids, because I truly am. But that doesn’t mean that every time someone asks us when we plan on starting our family, the question isn’t met with fear and hesitation.