My boyfriend doesn’t text me.
9 hours of not hearing from him does not shock me and when hours go by without a response to my text it doesn’t not rattle my bones. I can expect a “goodnight” text 90% of the time, and there is a 50/50 chance that I receive an “I am alive and safe” text after a night of him bar crawling with his buddies. He is king at skating by with the bare minimal text communication required and I -as a high maintenance, insecure, hard ass female- have never been happier or more confident in a relationship.
Living an hour away from each other isn’t easy, seeing each other a maximum of twice a week makes it harder and my lovely other half’s inability to hold a conversation via text doesn’t always help. There are days we are both running around like chickens without heads, 7:00 PM will roll around and I realize not a word has been exchanged between the two of us. There are days it is worse than that, one of us is running from job one to two, finishing up with just enough time to call the other right before they fall asleep.
While this all sounds horrible, grueling and a perfect mix for a toxic relationship with no trust, the lack of screen communication makes us stronger. In a world where phone calls, personal communication and dinners out have been replaced by text messaging, snap chatting and social media surfing, I can say not a day goes by where I don’t hear his voice tell me how much he loves me.
I may not receive the live play by play of his day but every night I get the verbal replay. There is something thrilling about hearing his day be told in his voice, being able to hear him express his excitement, or stress, his happiness or moments of defeat makes me feel as if I was there. I am not just reading it I am experiencing it with him. What’s even better is hearing his reaction to my day. We can all appreciate a congratulatory or motivational text, but why are we depriving ourselves the thrill of hearing the excitement another has for us and our accomplishments.
When we are able to see each other dates are never dull and conversation is always flowing. There is a certain level of intimacy we are able to maintain because or relationship does not take place over a screen. Phones are rarely taken out during a meal, or while we are with each other in general.
Now don’t get me wrong, when I am not with him chances are I’m plumping in bed position assumed and scrolling through every social media site known to man, violently texting in the group chat about the latest home town drama. This is because I want to, not because I am afraid of the repercussion a missed text might cause or because I feel the need to stalk my others half Instagram for any unwanted likes.
I regained a certain level of independence. I no longer feel the need to be attached to my phone; I know if I don’t respond in a timely manner the world will not stop spinning. I have even let my phone die without rushing to the nearest charger or simply placed in on silent while I run my daily errands or wonder the mall endlessly. The lack of relationship texting has allowed me to maintain my freedom and vice versa. Trust is a huge part of relationships and texting, not texting and whom we are caught texting plays a huge part in that.
When we are made to feel like a priority over a rectangular piece of technology, we are able to build more trust, we worry less over what is going on in our significant others phone because they are showing that whatever it is isn’t nearly as important as us. Relaying on technology to keep a relationship going is dangerous, while in some cases technology is necessary it should never be everything. The simple act of putting your phone away and enjoying the now – whether that be while on a date, or out with your friends – is important. Allowing your lover to do the same is even more important.
Every girl wants the Notebook, but how is a boy going to write you 365 letters, when you’re sending him 367 texts in one day?