Everyone thinks that after six months the thoughts of you should have washed away with the winter cold, and I must say that I wish that were the case. The truth is that with every day comes a little fleeting memory, and while the reminders of you have begun to space themselves out over the course of each day, they are present each day nonetheless.
I still can’t see a Florida State logo without feeling myself back in those stands standing next to you, and there are days when I can’t even let myself remember those four years at our beloved school. I still hear you belting Taylor Swift with me sitting in the middle seat of your Dodge- because shot gun was just too far away- whenever I hear some other colossal truck accelerating down the road outside of my windows. The saddest of all is waking up next to someone else and, for that brief moment of uncertainty upon waking, thinking that it will be you.
Of course, I realize that some people are simply more nostalgic than others. We have more feelings, we miss people more deeply, and it is inexplicably difficult to let go of the moments and people that made us feel alive. These last six months have taught me that I am undoubtedly one of these people, while you simply are not. And that’s perfectly okay. I often wonder if you can watch Hustle n’ Flow without remembering how hard we laughed while watching it and jumping on your couch like joyful children, or if you can hear my name without the jab of pain that comes when I hear yours.
There are other things that remind me of you too, however, like seeing the faces of other girls crying over their significant others or watching a friend being treated poorly by someone she loves. There are times when I notice my happiness at a dinner full of friends, and I realize that I never could have enjoyed these moments so completely with your controlling tendencies still in my life, not that you could help it at all. I see our past in every fighting couple, and I cheer for them, hoping they will let their love of each other conquer those arguments- something we were just never able to do.
When I think of the future, I think of you too. I think of all of the sweet things we planned and how they will all be the same, just with other people and how it’s so strange but exciting. I hope I will learn to accept these thoughts of you with a wave of appreciation for getting to experience them at all, rather than wishing they would disappear. And I hope you’ll remember them too, even after six months has passed and we’re just two strangers whose lives were intertwined for a beautifully brief moment.