I Have A Casual Fear Of Raising Children

Here I am. 22 years old. Making moves towards a career that’s filled with passion, meaning, and a burning desire to make a small, yet significant mark on this world.

I found my purpose in life. I found it. I never thought I would. Just thought I’d graduate with a psychology degree, go to graduate school, pay for my coffee with tears. But, I have genuinely found where the core of my being will be the happiest. Wow. Little did I know…that all of the things I went through were guiding me in the direction I feel so secure about now…

Who would’ve saw that coming? Not me. Nope.

In a world full of such complexity and such “innovation,” there is no doubt that I’m alone when it comes to my constant fear of the future. Right? I can’t be alone in that. In fact, I know I’m not. I have friends. We talk. But, we don’t necessarily talk about the deep-rooted fears that we have about future in this modern society that is oh-so-amazing and just full of so much advances towards a “better world.” We don’t talk about that fear in our core. That fear that we aren’t good enough to pursue a particular path. But, it’s there. I feel it every time my friend tells me how behind she is on her school work. Each time I walk into the library on campus, which is just full of stressed out young people trying to do what we’ve been socially conditioned to do. All in good faith, right?

My parents are great people. Love them to pieces, don’t get me wrong. But, I find it fascinating how fundamentally different my parents grew up vs. myself. I mean, think about it? One day, my 22 year old self will settle down and have little kiddies of her own. Next thing I know, I’m talking about AIM and how we would leave away messages that said BRB, just because it was the cool thing to do. Or how Tom was the inventor of MySpace and how our Top 8 was the best way to tell how much my crush liked me that day. I mean, will my kids never get the privilege of publicizing their first relationship on Facebook, which of course is a “life event.” I mean, was it a real relationship if it wasn’t Facebook official? So many little social intricacies that my parents could never relate to. Just a completely different culture in the way we were raised. I’ll be the first of my generation to admit- but how do we raise our kids? I mean, what will be the new thing?

Innovating. Changing. Becoming a bigger, better, stronger, more adaptable society. Over and over and over. Just this mentality that we can do so much more with this universe.

There is no way in hell I can raise my kids in an American culture that continues to think they’re “progressive.”

I’m scared to have kids. But, as a young woman…that’s going to be my eventual path. I mean, I should be able to have a family and do all of that. I want to. No doubt about it. But in the way that America thinks they’re headed- no way. I just think we have this super ego and we think we’re above every fucking place on this earth. Until America gets off its high horse, my eggs will be frozen. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Shutterstock

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