I Turned Down Making Out With A Celebrity And I’m A Better Person Than You

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It was awkward times infinity.

Background: I’m model/writer and he is an Ivy-League-graduate-and-does-international-shows celebrity comic. We are from different cities and both travel a lot for work.

We met at an event where we discovered that we had mutual friends. We got talking, had a little wine and eventually exchanged numbers saying that if we were ever in each other’s city we should catch up. And catch up we did, but not in the way I expected. Following that, he was in my city twice and asked to meet on both occasions but I had other things going on for me. That was the first sign- too desperate- which I overlooked unknowingly. The third time he was in the city, I decided to meet him for lunch.

We met up at his hotel’s restaurant. He was really sweet and said how it was totally fine with the fact that I was an hour late because I kept apologising. He was enthusiastic about literally everything and anything. Our food arrived and he says, “HOLY SHIT, THIS FISH IS AMAZING, ITS FRUSTRATING ARRGH!” In my mind I’m thinking ‘Chill the fuck down, bro. Its fish, not Jesus.’ Definitely the second sign.

In the time we talked, I noted a number of interesting things about him like how he’s learning to dance, how he had a his own place looking over the beach, how its amazing to just sit and have a drink on his back porch, how amazing it would be if I came over sometime, how he inched toward my chair with every sentence he spoke, how I noticed he had gray hair more and more every time he did that. Third sign.

By this time, it was getting late because I had a flight to catch and also obviously needed to stray from this situation. Here’s the deal- the restaurant is on the 18th floor and he accompanied me down to the lobby. As far as elevators go, this one was like dying a slow death. To top it off, no one else got into the elevator till we reached down. He’s at my side, I am checking my phone and suddenly he said, “Okay, I am going for it.” I said, “What?” and looked ahead as he came up from the side to try and plant his mouth-flesh on mine. Note that I am still looking ahead because I thought he was going to whisper something in my ear which would have been equally weird.

And then he backs off, realizing the evident discomfort.

I looked at him and asked, “Were you trying to make a move?”

He said, “Yeah…So…Wanna try again?”

Without even waiting for an answer, he goes for the second shot and I back off saying, “Yeah…I am not comfortable with what is happening right now.”

He backs off, too and said that it was okay. We reach the lobby, told him it was nice meeting him and rushed the fuck out as soon as my cab got to the hotel.

The hilarious thing is he texts me thinking he still has a shot after he complimented saying that I had pretty hair, right before we got out of the claustrophobic 6-person vertical transport. TC mark

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