I want to build a home right in between your arms, where your heartbeat is alarming as your breath fans over my forehead and goosebumps rise upon my skin.
I want to build a home right in between your arms, where I can plant sunflowers in the cracks of your heart and water them with my tears.
I want to build a home right in between your arms, so that when the storm comes I’ll be wrapped around your strong hold; warm, secure, beautiful.
Keep a place for me, for when I’m gone you can still feel my warmth, the touch of my skin as our legs get tangled and a smile creeps up on both of our faces, got you shackled in my embrace.
I would run to you, and wrap my arms around you. I feel your happiness, your gentle chuckle, and I’m overwhelmed for you are here with me; alive, living, existing, exquisite.
But my home grew and changed; expectedly, unexpected. My love couldn’t put a roof on top of our heads anymore, for you have built your own roof that covered your eyes, you couldn’t see me anymore, you couldn’t look at me the same way anymore. They would even say you fell out of love.
They say everything in the world is temporary, I used to say you were an exception. As weird as you are, I have invested my heart in something so temporary, I wish I knew. I knew then I had to go away from your arms, my love a trailing veil.
But leaving doesn’t mean I learned to love you any less, it’s still the same; nothing has changed. I still love you just the same but you must understand that I left because you don’t need my love anymore. You don’t know that I am now an empty shell of smoke and liquids of dark nights of unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar lips.
So instead I will build my own home; my own roof, doors, windows, and maybe even a garden where I will plant not only sunflowers but roses, lilies, and dandelions. Maybe the sunflowers that I have planted in your heart for the past three years have either withered or grew, I don’t know I haven’t checked, 7 months to be exact. I want my home to grow too, with me growing with it at the same time and at the same pace.
For now, my heart is reserved for someone who can handle the galaxies that swirl around my head and the parallel universes that I could think of from just one sitting with a cup of coffee.
Right now, you are not here and I don’t know where you are and what you are doing and what you are thinking about, maybe you are somewhere in those parallel universes I was thinking about last night. Finally, you are off to an adventure of your own, just like you wanted, without me but with someone else.
I love you, I miss you, but all in all thank you. Unfortunately, I cannot remember what it feels like to be in your arms anymore; maybe it comes to me in dreams – that would explain why I wake up with tears in my eyes. Maybe my heart misses your warmth, your touch, lips, eyes, smile, kisses, it misses you.
The thing is, how can I say that I miss you, that I love you, and why couldn’t you stay when you told me you would never leave when you aren’t even here by my side?
So, let me get this chance to say:
I wanted to build a home, right in between your arms.