In your early twenties, you probably went through life giving all the fucks in the world – getting straight A’s at college, obsessing over various fuckboys unworthy of your time, attempting to score the best partner even while settling, doing everything you could to resuscitate your lackluster friendships. Hint: only one of those things listed actually yielded any kind of reward, and it’s the only one that had nothing to do with other people.
However, in your mid-to-late twenties, something miraculous begins to occur. You start getting comfortable with yourself and what you really want. You stop worrying so much about how you appear to others and you start becoming more concerned about who you really are and what you really like.
Here are five liberating signs you’ve run out of fucks to give – and are reserving your fucks a la Mark Manson style for what’s really important:
1. You’ve seen it all, so you no longer blink twice.
Met another psychopath on a date? Yawn, the world’s full of them – what next? Friend screws you over? Meh, better to know now than later. Homeless man tries to attack you on the street? Bring it on, you’re a New Yorker, you could take him. You’re so desensitized from all of the life experiences you’ve had that nothing really surprises you anymore. With great calm, comes great focus. At this rate, you could be in the midst of a disaster and still finish that project you’ve been working on – zero fucks given.
2. Your eyes are wide open to those who try to take advantage of you.
There used to be a time where you may have been easily duped by manipulative smooth talkers and went around giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Now, you catch on quite quickly and are invested in protecting yourself – no matter what. Now whenever you encounter another con man or woman with a motive, you smirk inwardly and think, “Who the fuck do you think I am? You ain’t messing with no average bitch, boy. Give my fat ass a big kiss, boy.” Okay, so maybe those thoughts are just a variation of the lyrics to your favorite Beyoncé song, but they’ve also become an important part of your inner monologue.
3. You’re no longer afraid to own and express your emotions.
When you’re angry, you say so or withdraw from someone who isn’t worth your time. You embrace the fact that some people will always suck ass (and not in a fun way either) and you simply don’t have time to impress them or cater to their needs. Whereas you used to bend over backwards trying to please others, you’ve stopped being the “good girl” and are now focused on serving yourself first.
When you’re happy and proud of yourself, you don’t let anyone else’s envy or contempt rain on your parade; you simply obliterate their existence (okay, so maybe you just block their number and move on). You laugh aloud in public places – even if you’re alone. While this could be a sign of you losing it, it’s also a sign that you’re no longer inhibited or shy about expressing your emotions. You tell it like it is, no holds barred – and you give yourself permission to live life to the fullest, bringing your whole self to the table.
4. You let toxic people leave your life, because ultimately, you know their absence is a gain rather than a loss.
You’re no longer invested in trying to get shady people to stick around if they don’t want to, friend, foe, partner or family member. You know that anyone who tries to make you feel invisible deserves to disappear from your life. Rather than trying to convince someone to morph into a decent person, or rationalizing their destructive behavior, you allow them to show their true colors and plan your own speedy exit. You’re no longer interested in convincing them of your worth, because you know you’re worth so much more than the crumbs they have to offer. You have no time to tolerate bullshit or invest in someone who doesn’t invest in you – and you appreciate authentic people that much more.
5. You embrace the single life rather than chasing assholes.
You love being single and cherish your alone time. Rather than giving into societal pressures to couple up immediately, you know you’re in awesome company regardless of your relationship status. At this point, you’d rather spend energy investing in yourself, your goals, your dreams and your pleasure than accept the half-hearted efforts of toxic people. You know it’ll take a really special man or woman to make you give up even an ounce of your solitude, and you’re willing to wait for a love that actually feels right rather than settling for the one that just keeps you warm at night.