I think there is a way to talk to kids about sex that doesn’t include shame or guilt.
Other than the obvious “sex is a sin,” I heard a lot of crazy things about sex when I was growing up. As a kid I never really thought much about the things I had been told about sex, but as an adult I’ve realized the absurdity of some these lies. Here are some of my favorite #sexlies debunked.
1. Sex is supposed to be special.
I’m not saying that sex isn’t or can’t be special, but I disagree with the idea that everyone should consider sex something beautiful and special that you should only do with someone you truly love. Sometimes sex is just something you do with that hot guy you met in line at Whole Foods and that’s OK.
2. Once you have sex, you’re no longer pure.
Relating being a virgin to being “pure” implies that everyone else is impure and dirty and promotes the idea that you should be ashamed of sex. Sex isn’t dirty (unless it’s done right), and it definitely shouldn’t be considered shameful.
3. Having “meaningless” sex means you don’t respect yourself.
As far as I’m concerned, making your own decisions about with whom and how often you have sex screams “I respect myself and am in control of my own sex life!” Are there people who use sex to measure their self-worth? I’m sure there are, but there are just as many people who enjoy having meaningless sex with the aforementioned hot guy from Whole Foods because it’s fun.
4. He won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.
Had sex with a guy you’re dating? You might as well break up now because he’ll never marry you. Because no man ever married a woman because he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Nope, men only marry women so they can fornicate freely with them.
5. If you have too much sex, your vagina will stretch out.
This is one of my favorites. What better way to keep girls from having a bunch of crazy one-night stands than to tell them that they will stretch out and look so disgusting that no man will ever want them. Vaginas are elastic and every woman is different, but unless you’re performing some kind of crazy porn antics with eggplants then you’re not going to do any permanent damage.
*I think it’s important to note that I’m specifically discussing lies told to young girls because, as a person who was once a young girl, I have personal experience with these lies. However, I recognize that young boys are also told many lies about sex that can be just as damaging.