24 Things I’ve Learned About ‘Living Your Best Life’ By 24

1. Change perfumes, deodorants, shampoos, et cetera, after a break-up. Scent is strongly linked to memory. Saturate yourself in new scents for your new life.

2. In this world, there are mirrors which make you appear thin and mirrors which make you appear fat. Observe the mirrors around you. You should learn which are which so you don’t drive yourself crazy.

3. Always be extra nice to secretaries.

4. Don’t online shop on your work computer.

5. Pack your lunch, even if it takes a few extra minutes in the morning.

6. Lipstick = confidence. Wear it like armor.

7. Openly crying at work is unacceptable. Cry in the office bathroom like a lady.

8. Be realistic with your body image goals. I will never look like a ballerina no matter how much I diet or run. My frame is all wrong for that. But if I work out regularly and don’t gorge myself, I can have a tight little package too.

9. Allow the stars to weigh in on your state of affairs. Read your horoscope every day. I’m a huge fan of astrology. All religion is just an educated guess at explaining the world and the afterlife. The zodiac is just as valid as any other.

10. Don’t eat fast food, except for on road trips.

11. “There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them. Whenever I’m sad I’m going to die, or so nervous I can’t sleep, or in love with somebody I won’t be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: “I’ll go take a hot bath.” The hotter the better.

12. See a reputable psychic every now and then. I’ve found sessions to be helpful when I’m faced with an important decision or challenge. But beware, people sometimes tell you what you want hear because you’re paying them to.

13. If you like someone, tell them. Always.

14. Read books. Real books. Associate with other people who read books so you can discuss books. And life.

15. Female friendship is the most positive force on earth.

16. Pay attention to art. Go to museums. Learn what you like and why you like it. Don’t neglect this aspect of life.

17. Red wine and whiskey give you the worst hangovers, it’s because of the tannins. Beware.

18. The book isn’t better than the movie. They’re just two different modalities.

19. A good vocabulary is the easiest way to appear intelligent.

20. Wear as little makeup on your face as you can get away with.

21. Use as much product in your hair as you can get away with.

22. Waking up early doesn’t make you better than anyone.

23. Live hard and in the moment. Use today’s slang. Follow today’s trends. Live your life so that in two years, everything will seem dated.

24. Above all, own it. Own everything you do and everything that is done to you. This is your life. The facts are there. The way the dots are connected is up to you.