This Is To The Man Who Made Me Feel Amazing

You were at one point my everything without me even knowing. We were never together. Not officially or unofficially, but we spent a lifetime together. I met you when I barely had seen the world and when I was at my most vulnerable. At the time I didn’t realize how much of a difference you would make in my life. To this day I can barely fathom what a better person I am because you were in my life. You had a lot to do with who I became even though you still don’t see it. You helped me overcome the insecure obstacles that I had set up for myself. You made me realize that it was okay to be different. It was okay to break down sometimes and that failure was not something that should be feared.

You were there during the most transitional time of my life so far. You answered my seemingly obvious questions, comforted me when my anxiety got the best of me, and you never gave up on me. I pushed you away and I left for months at a time because I was scared. And every time I wanted to come back, no matter what I said or how much time had passed between us, you never turned me away.

You introduced me to music like I had never known before. You helped me realize the types of people I had in my life and that it was okay to let some of them go. You showed me that the path you’re on is constantly changing and that preparing a plan for the future is like lining up a bunch of dominos and expecting them all to fall down. Sometimes they do and sometimes they stop abruptly in the middle and you have to either knock the rest of them down or rebuild and start over. You taught me more about growing up than anyone else in my life. You taught me how to be me. You let me be me.

However, as all true tragedies go, you are not my only one. Sometimes I think that we could make this work and that we could be good for each other, but I know that is not true. I know that right now, where we are, this is all we will ever be. You gave me the opportunity to explore myself and discover who I am without judgment and without complacency. You guided me and you pushed me. I wouldn’t be me without you. But I could not be me with you.

I hope that we can still be friends. I hope that we can still share our lives with each other. And maybe we can meet again in another lifetime and maybe then it will work out. Maybe we are meant to be together, but right now we won’t. And that is okay. You taught me that it is okay. Whatever it is and however much it affects you… it is okay. And for that I thank you. I thank you for loving me in your way that let me be me and I thank you for being my friend.