Yup, my coworkers who are mainly over 45 and male, it is “my time of the month.” Since I work in an industry where women make up a mere 13.4% of the workforce (yay, engineering…not), I think I can safely say I am well accustomed to coworkers not understanding the basic Do’s and Don’ts of interacting with women during these 5-7 days of hell that come every month. So as a public service, I thought I would give you the 5 most basic things not to do during this timespan:
1. DON’T tell me I look tired.
No shit, Sherlock. I mean, let’s not even start talking about how I was kept up the majority of the night because it felt like Freddy Krueger was stabbing me in the uterus. I know you can’t sympathize with me on that because, hey, you don’t have a uterus (lucky bastard). But more importantly, I probably look tired because the only way I will be able to make my $37-per-ounce cover-up last the week is by only using it to cover the massive breakout I’m currently enduring. So those circles under my eyes are going to be out there for the whole week.
2. DON’T comment on my wardrobe choices.
OK, so it was funny last week when you assumed I was falling behind in my laundry when I came in wearing my yoga pants that kinda-sorta-maybe-if-you-squint-a-little look like black dress pants. But this week? Nope. Not. Funny. Why am I wearing these pants and my loosest blouse? Yeah, because my body has also decided it is going to gain an extra five pounds this week. Since women get paid a salary that is lower than yours, I cannot afford to buy a new wardrobe that only fits me for one week every month.
3. DON’T ask me if it is that time of the month.
PSA: There is such a thing as a stupid question, and this is one of them.
4. DON’T ask to have some of my chocolate.
I know normally I don’t mind sharing my Reese’s Cups or Hershey bars. I mean, you even made me a sign to hang above my office that says “Candy Land.” However, I am not giving up my limited chocolaty goodness during this week. Not happening. And let me eat my comfort food in peace. Because trust me, if I’m in a chocolate coma I will be much easier to work with than the alternative.
5. DON’T try to find the silver lining.
Sometimes guys think they are being helpful if they try to find the silver lining in my horrible situation. So they remind me that hey, at least I’m not pregnant. Yeah, well, great; but couldn’t Mother Nature let me know that some other way? Like, I don’t know, maybe just send me a Post-It that says “Hey, Kate—Instead of making you feel and look miserable for a week, I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t pregnant. YAY! Regards, Mother Nature…PS. There is a huge storm coming, so don’t wear your suede Steve Madden pumps Friday night.”