1. When your boss makes you feel like a pile of dirt.
Look; if you don’t work for a difficult person at some point in your life, then Sweet-Baby-J-Barbecue-Sauce! You are a lucky fuckin’ duck. I will say right off the bat that rarely are difficult bosses actually mean people. Usually, they’re successful, particular, and possess high (okay unreasonably high) standards they expect you to meet without question. While working for this person, constantly remind yourself that this is a “learning lesson,” and that one day when you’re a boss, you may choose to do things differently. Consequently, when your boss demands that you alphabetize his or her bookshelf by the authors’ middle names or tells you that you have “no work experience and how dare you suggest a Googledoc,” resist the urge to shout, “FUCK YOU I QUIT.” Instead, swallow your pride, apologize if that stops the yelling, and complete the task. Then mentally decide when and how you will one day give your notice in the most dignified yet confident fashion. And also: remember that working for this person will somehow help contribute to your successful future.
2. When your friend is mad at you, but won’t admit it.
I mean, okay, this is the worst. You know your friend well, and you can tell when he or she is pissed with you for whatever reason. Unfortunately, this friend, instead of calling you and letting you know what’s up, has chosen to passive aggressively ignore you or communicate just barely via cold, clipped text messages. Is this ideal? No. Is there much you can do about this? No. If this person is still communicating with you, even if it’s pointedly reluctant, he or she is clearly in the process of getting over whatever he or she is mad about. Maybe this person knows his or her reason for being mad is trivial and doesn’t want to admit it? Maybe not. Regardless, instead of you chasing this person around, driving both of you crazy, just disengage and treat the situation with as much kindness as possible. At the end of the day, you love this person, and if he or she doesn’t want to talk, that’s his or her choice. All you can do is be yourself and play along that nothing is fishy. Eventually, it’ll all work out! Of course if you did do something blatantly wrong, don’t be an asshole. Seek out your friend and apologize. Or hopefully you’ll get called out. One of the two.
3. When your siblings press all your buttons.
Who knows how to better get your goat than your brother or sister? Growing up, my younger sister knew exactly what to say in order for my face to turn this really offensive shade of maroon. She could literally say the word “no,” and I would burst into a full-on rage-cage. Whether you like to admit it or not, your siblings can absolutely trigger all the feels in you, and if you’re having a shitty day, these triggers are ten times more vulnerable. However, as I’ve personally gotten older, I’ve realized that having meaningless drag out fights with my own flesh and blood is not going to make me feel like a million bucks. So! I try to strictly talk to my siblings when I’m in a GREAT MOOD, because if I chat with them when I’m feeling a little cranky, then I’m more likely to take my crank out on them or misconstrue their use of the word “alligator,” think I’m meant to be insulted, and then…it’s maroon city, people. Essentially, rising above in this case means interacting with your loved ones when you’re not liable to take your shit out on them.
4. When your significant other is crabby and snaps at you.
Just. Walk. Away. Don’t. Take. The. Bait. Don’t. Say. Shit. Most likely, what’s happened here is that your S.O. has had a crummy day and isn’t ready to chat and make streusel with you. Just be the bigger person, let your S.O. cool down, and let him or her come to you. Chances are, if he or she is as lovely as you think, you will receive an apology for the snappiness.
5. When your dog shits the bed.
My dog has absolutely shit our bed multiple times. Yeah, we let her sleep in our bed when she’s suffering from a stomach virus, but she’s just so cute and loves us so we can’t help it. For example, flash to 3:00am on a random Tuesday morning, and I feel something wet on my calf. Oh, oh what? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s my dog’s shit. Totally disgusting, but what is going to come of me screaming at the top of my lungs, berating the poor dog, and waking up our neighbors? Absolutely nothing. Instead, I’ll clean up the mess, clean up the dog, and go back to sleep, because sometimes shit happens. Literally and figuratively. So let’s not sweat the small stuff, yeah? Okay, good talk.