This Is My Goodbye

I should have known better; that the day you broke up with me seven months ago was the day we ended. Not just temporarily, but for good. Maybe the reason why you came back three months after was because I prayed for it. I prayed for peace because I was broken. I prayed to know the real reason why you left me, why you ditched me just like that, why it seemed like it was so easy for you to do that. I knew the answer to my prayers.

I thought we were something worth a second chance. I thought we were different. I thought we had something great between us. I saw my everything with you. My future. The rest of my life. I had so many dreams for us; I’ll take you here; We will go there; We will do this and that together; You were my world. I loved you more than anyone could ever imagine a person could actually feel.

I thought we felt the same. I kept convincing myself that maybe you were just too busy to be with me, and that you really loved me, and that anytime soon, you’d be around, but no. I was a fool. Each time, you proved to me that you had a life outside this world, and came with that, the truth that you just didn’t want me in it.

I understood you more than you could ever know, I did. I hoped for us. I thought there could be a second chance for us; that I just had to wait and then in the end, we will be okay. No. I was wrong. I was holding on and you… you were long gone since more than half a year ago. You said you love me but all you did was let me down. I didn’t need the world. I didn’t need all of your time. I just needed to be cared about even just for a bit, just for the smallest things, but you didn’t. You didn’t care about me, and you ignored me everytime. Your solution was always to leave me, to leave everything behind, thinking it’s as easy as that, but you don’t get it- That’s not how it works for me.

The first time you left me, you didn’t know what I got through. It was hell. I felt the pain that I never imagined I was capable of bearing. Then you came back, just to leave me once again. What did I do to you that was so wrong, for me to fucking deserve getting through the same pain twice?

So maybe this is it. This is how fate wants us to be. Apart. You’re right. Maybe it’s about time to open my eyes and see that I am here and you are there. We’re far and different from each other. Maybe we were bound to meet at one point, but also part there. So maybe this is it. This is how we end.

I used to see you as the best, maybe because I’ve loved you more than I should have, but I’ve come to realize that you’re not. I used to think that there will never be anyone better than you but the truth is, everyone is better than you. Anyone will be better than you. Someday, someone will treat me better; someone will treat me right, and if no one ever will, I will do it for myself. I will treat myself better than how I did, loving you.

No matter how I know it would take lots of effort, time, tears, and courage for me to get over you, I will find a way to do it. I will not wait for you anymore. I will not anymore let myself cry each night you are not around. I will no longer make myself suffer from the pain of everytime I remember all the times you weren’t there for me. I will take the second chance, and this time, it’s a second chance for me to go on with life and try to live it without the pain of loving someone who doesn’t want to be in my life.

Above all of that, I still wish you the best in your life. I will not say that this is how I’m letting you go because in the first place, you were not anywhere in my reach; you were always free. I hope you know how much I was willing to wait for you no matter how long it takes, but you made me feel like you were just waiting for me to get tired, so I’ll be the one to surrender. All I wanted was a reason to stay, and you obviously didn’t want to give any. Now you’re gone, and you’re not coming back for me, and I have to be okay with that.