If The United States Each Had Personalities This Is What They Would Be
By Kate Otto
Rhode Island would be INFJ
Situated on the ocean, Rhode Island enjoys comparing the vastness and depth of the sea to her own poetic soul- but is still able to go out and live it up with her more extroverted neighboring states. She especially enjoys being so close to her soul mate Massachusetts, an educated ENTP, who she practically stalks in her free time. Known to be the state with the lowest energy consumption, she’s proud to think she is truly changing the world.
New Hampshire would be an INFP
New Hampshire is proud to be part of New England; the beauty in the changing seasons fills her warm, sensitive soul with a strong, happy sadness. New Hampshire spends her time privately helping those in need, leading her state to have the fewest poor people in the entire United States. However, New Hampshire still harbors an inner sadness; looking out on the fresh winter snow, she ponders the amount of poor people she has yet to save, dying in the winter snow, and is truly troubled with all the animals being hunted by her people.
Nevada would be an ENFJ
Nevada has yet to stop smiling about all the wonders of her state. The amazing shows, lights, gambling venues, and night life brings more than 41 million visitors to Las Vegas alone, creating a pleasing environment for the exuberant extrovert. Sure, Nevada knows she can be a little cheesy, but she has no problem charming her guests and doing whatever will make them happy. However, Nevada hopes she’ll one day be seen as the natural, down to earth state that she is; she has 300 mountain ranges to prove it.
California would be an ENFP
California is proud to be, in her opinion, the coolest, most interesting state in the entire United States. After dragging herself out of bed in the morning, she stops at a trendy coffee shop and befriends the entire staff with her easy, spunky sense of humor. California is different, and she’s ok with it. On the beach or at the gay pride parade, California wants to be herself, and doesn’t care if the conservative states disagree. She dances to the beat of her own drum, and is proud to be her liberal and unique self.
Utah would be an ESFJ
Utah would be an ESFJ
Utah has a lot to boast about. He has five very famous national parks, and is proud of his commitment to wildlife research and conservation. He is also known as the most charitable state, and gives much of his time donating to causes that span all over the United States. Proud to be a big family man, he loves all of his wives equally and loyally. Geographically he’d like to be a bit more centered, feeling a bit too west to make a difference, but he does his best to keep in contact with all the states regardless.
Louisiana would be an ESFP
Louisiana loves the fun loving culture she’s created. The best, most interesting music and night life takes place in her very own Mardi gras festival. She loves the sounds of jazz and Cajun music, and can be found out partying all night. Louisiana loves transfixing her male guests on the free loving, bohemian feel of the Bayou. Like many states, Louisiana has more history than what now meets the eye, but with a little help from her friends she can get her shit together soon. Utah, a caring ESFJ, is probably the only state still working on it.
Vermont would be an ISFP
Vermont wakes up lazily, a rolled joint still sitting on the bed side table. He puts on his Birkenstocks, rolls out of bed, and enters the artistic bustle of Burlington. During the day, he enjoys a concert featuring his favorite indie band (that no other state has heard of yet) and smokes a little more pot. Then he brings his paint sets to a nearby lake, creates a beautiful painting that he shows to no one, and falls asleep thinking about the beauty of life.
North Carolina would be an ISFJ
No one does Southern charm like polite North Carolina. She’s quiet and helpful, and even the northern states looks down upon her fondly as a state of true loveliness. She isn’t one to budge from her long standing beliefs, and she thinks the United States is perfect just as it is. She’s quiet, so people sometimes forget that behind those sweet, unassuming eyes is a state watching and observing everything. It’s possible that North Carolina could be a swing state in the 2016 election, but that’s really not polite dinner conversation.
Kansas would be an ESTJ
Kansas is a pretty conservative guy, but why wouldn’t he be? He loves his farm and his gun, and no government should tell him how to live his life. Play him in a sport, and he will tear you down with the fierce athleticism of a tornado. He’s a family guy, and truly enjoys spending his time with friends and family at the college basketball games.
Colorado would be an ESTP
Fun, nature loving Colorado enjoys everything his state has to offer. He would even logically (but defiantly) argue that the snow isn’t that bad (SO much skiing, snowboarding, and winter hiking), and is enjoying the flexibility with smoking experimentation his state has to offer. Colorado just wants to have fun, but preferably NOT indoors.
Missouri would be an ISTJ
Missouri is prone to a lot of stress- there’s lots of crime and pollution that he deals with daily, so he tends to suffer from poor health. He feels the weight of the state on his shoulders, but feels better taking to his states trails, which are some of the best in the world. In the outdoors, taking on nature alone, the worries of his life goes away.
Washington would be an ISTP
Washington is super brilliant. Home to many high tech firms, he enjoys the constant buzz new technology brings him. He’s moderately trendy, housing Seattle, but other states aren’t quick to visit his rainy state. He, however, welcomes it with enthusiasm and knowledge- where there is rain; there is a thriving and robust ecosystem!
Tennessee would be an ENTJ
Tennessee enjoys being home to a city known for her music scene. All states visit Nashville, and visits make this extrovert extremely happy. Sometimes she rubs people the wrong way, but she’s trying to get along. He was, after all, the first state to make the logical decision of re-entering the union after the civil war. Yeah, she’s part of the South, but he isn’t necessarily a bleeding red- she’s open for a nice, logical discussion about where the country needs to be (just please don’t confuse feelings for facts).
Massachusetts would be an ENTP
There’s no doubt that Massachusetts is a smart guy. He’s proud to have the best schools in the entire United States, and enjoys boasting about his unique historical importance. Despite being a little emotionally raw, he’s a very fun loving guy; he’s got a great city with a fun night life, and spends much of his time partying (hanging out and talking about math) at Cape Cod. He’s pretty liberal, and he has no problem convincing you that his beliefs are more logical than yours.
New Mexico would be an INTJ
New Mexico can strike the other states as a bit stiff, but he’s a pretty cultured guy. He enjoys learning everything he can about different cultures, and enjoys learning as much as he can about Native American history through their art, folklore, and museums. True, the art never moves him to tears, but he is able to see that their culture is more important than the other states seem to believe (they did found the country, after all). New Mexico is secretly a mastermind; he has voted for the winning president with uncanny precision. Maybe New Mexico has alien intelligences.
New York would be an INTP
Ok, she’s not super friendly but New York is not as rude as everything thinks she is. She just doesn’t have time for all the feels. She has a very long commute on a cramped and hot subway, and doesn’t exactly have time to dilly dally like the emotional southern states do. She also just doesn’t want to be friendly because that’s the polite thing to do. Get to know INTP, and you’ll see she isn’t an insensitive jerk, but an imaginative, abstract thinker who is incredibly open minded and objective. New York is down for anything, but at the end of the day, she kind of wishes the city would go to sleep so she could have some down time.