As we lay in your bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, I ask when I will see you next. After one month of consistent sleepovers and sex, this is the last night we spend together before moving away from our college town to separate cities. I’m not sure what I expect for an answer. I think I want to hear something mildly romantic about how you will visit me in New York City or that we will keep in touch – anything but the reality that we would probably never exist past this night. I like spending time with you, but am not attached. However, no one likes endings and I am no exception. You give me some answer about how I won’t see you for at least month and how our relationship, or whatever it was, was fun while it lasted. I look at you, silent, unsure of an appropriate response. That’s when you say it; “you’re going to meet a nice guy in New York. You’re the type of girl that needs a boyfriend.”
I look away from your face as I try to understand why I feel so insulted. You notice that I’m upset and ask why. I tell you that your statement completely undermines my independence. Maybe I’m overreacting. You ask me why I’m responding in such a “feminist” way to your comment and I tell you that I’m not. Yes, I believe that women should be just as powerful, aggressive, and successful as men but don’t think this particular situation is about gender. As an individual, I feel powerless and childish after that comment. Who are you to tell me that I need someone else there for me in my life? I pride myself in my independence and feel that no other statement could be more judgmental.
I am 22 years old and have had 2 long-term, fairly serious relationships. Does being a “good girl” and not sleeping around make me “the kind of girl that needs a boyfriend”? Conversely, does sleeping with lots of people while single make someone “slutty”? I don’t think so. You have slept with 17 people. I know that because I asked. I didn’t judge. Yes, I jokingly called you “slutty” once and we laughed it off. You knew that if I really thought poorly of you, I wouldn’t be in your bed a minimum of six nights a week. We joke with each other a lot, but you delivered your line in a serious manner.
After a little more discussion, we decide we don’t want our last night together to be like this. I try to forget my anger. We have sex, and then you fall asleep. I lay there in the dark; frustrated. I am still upset and cannot fall asleep. I slip on my clothes and out of your apartment. Who are you to make assumptions about me when I don’t make assumptions about you? And who are you to tell me that I “need” a significant other in life? I do not need anyone, and I definitely do not need you.