The festive binger: I came here for the German sausage, I’m leaving here in debt and with a food baby.
The indifferent older gentleman: He doesn’t even like Christmas, but his wife Brenda wears the trousers in their relationship, so he has little choice in the matter.
The dutiful spectator: Present because it’s their annual duty and a way of showing their unshakable patriotism towards their city. They shall circle the market no more than twice and purchase a hot beverage as a mark of respect.
The woman who sat in 3 hours of weekend traffic to be here and is damned if she’s leaving empty handed: I’m not sure a stainless steel potato peeler qualifies as a Christmas present, but your heart was in the right place, Sue.
The dude with bratwurst remains lingering in his beard for the foreseeable future: Saving some for later; I like your thinking.
The young mother who pushes her triple-decker, two metre wide pram containing 9 small children over your foot – and then reverses over it for good measure: Oh hey, why not roll over my other foot and murder my dog while you’re at it?
The students who are on their third mulled wine before noon and not handling matters particularly well: Please refrain from vomiting near the bratwurst stand, I am trying to eat.
The besotted young couple who have just purchased their very first Christmas tree together and are so excited by the prospect, that they fail to notice the trail of devastation they have left behind by said Christmas tree: This includes depositing countless pine needles in an innocent by-standers paella and blinding an elderly man.
The child who smears his chocolate covered strawberries all over your favourite winter coat and ruins your entire experience: Well, this is unfortunate.
The extremely attractive vendor, who’s good looks are the only legitimate reason why he could be selling so much reindeer skin: I will take 6 skins please, they will really brighten up my studio apartment.
The lifestyle bloggers, who are merely there for aesthetical reasons: Instagram photo checklist – Selfie surrounded by Christmas trees, selfie drinking festive beverage of choice, selfie with a bratwurst, selfie of someone taking a selfie with one of the aforementioned selfie themes.