I refuse to apologize for loving others whole heartedly, for loving others so deeply, so intensely and so truly. If I have ever loved you, know that I have loved you in the truest and most pure way that I know how. If I have ever cared for your soul, know that I will love and miss you in forever ways.
I do not mean love in the sense that I want you back in my life. In fact, the thought of ever holding your hand again kind of grosses me out. I mean love in the sense of everlasting friendship. I mean love in the sense that you were once someone I could have spent a forever with.
I refuse to apologize for not forgetting people easily. If you were once a big part of my life, you should know that I have not forgotten you. I will never forget my favorite parts of you, whatever they may be. Whether it was the way you smelled, the way you said my name, the way you threw your head back as you laughed, a girl who loves like me, she does not forget the little things.
I refuse to apologize for still loving your mom. For throwing my arms around her every time I see her in the grocery store, for liking pictures of your family’s dog on Facebook, for still talking cars and fishing with your dad when we run into each other at the corner store.
I refuse to act like your disappearance didn’t affect me. I refuse to act like I didn’t sit up alone with the sadness of your absence for one too many nights.
I refuse to pretend I don’t know where that tiny piece of me went off to, for I am fully aware that it went with you.
I don’t mind that you have this piece of me, in fact, I’m glad you do. While I don’t believe it’s possible for us to be friends, I don’t believe we should have to drown out the memories of us and act like we never knew each other in order to move on.
I hope that you carry the love you once felt for me with you. I hope you look for parts of me in your new love, I hope you never forget the smell of my hair. I hope you miss my mom. I hope you miss my dog. I hope that you smile to yourself in spring when all the flowers start to bloom because you know how excited I must be.
Most of all, I hope that all of this finds you well and while I hope you have moved on.
I hope you don’t forget to remember me from time to time.