28 Things Girls Say Vs. What They Actually Mean

1. What they say: “I’m not hungry right now.”

What they actually mean: “I’m not hungry right now, but I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to food. I just don’t want to seem like a pig or anything, so if you start eating, I’ll join in.”

2. What they say: “It’s fine.”

What they actually mean: “I would appreciate if we could have a long conversation about this, no shorter than 45 minutes. If not, I would appreciate if you got the fuck out of here.”

3. What they say: “I just want a guy that makes me laugh.”

What they actually mean: “I just want a hot guy with a great personality who is financially stable AND if he can make me laugh, that’d be great.”

4. What they say: “Ugh, what a creep.”

What they actually mean: “He’s being a little clingy and I don’t find him quite attractive enough to be flattered by the constant attention.”

5. What they say: “He’s such a stalker.”

What they acutally mean: “I’m extremely flattered by the fact that I have a (very harmless, not literal) stalker.”

6. What they say: “It’s whatever.”

What they actually mean: “It is very significant and it is affecting every single facet of my day.”

Knocked Up (Unrated Widescreen Edition)
Knocked Up (Unrated Widescreen Edition)

7. What they say: “Sorry, I’m just PMSing right now.”

What they actually mean: “I would not actually tell you when my period is, but it’s a handy excuse and you are severely pissing me off so I’m going to snap at you and not feel bad about it.”

8. What they say: “I am DEAD.”

What they actually mean: “That was amusing and I am very much alive.”

9. What they say: “I like him, but-”

What they actually mean: “I do not like him.”

10. What they say: “I don’t even like him anymore.”

What they actually mean: “I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about him.”

11. What they say: “He’s nice.”

What they actually mean: “I am on the fence about how I feel about him, so I am going to use the most vanilla adjective possible, please stay tuned for updates on the creep-hottie spectrum.”

12. What they say: “Do you think he’s cute?”

What they actually mean: “Would you applaud me having sex with him?”

13. What they say: “I’m not really feeling the bars tonight.”

What they actually mean: “Look, I have a hot date with my sweatpants, Netflix, a large pizza I will inhale all on my own, and about 30 colors of nail polish, and allllll of that sounds better than getting groped at by unseen hands in really sweaty, closely-packed spaces, so have fun without me!”

14. What they say: “I have nothing to wear.”

What they actually mean: “I have so many fucking things to wear, it’s overwhelming.”

15. What they say: “I don’t care where we go to eat.”

What they actually mean: “I care a lot about where we go to eat and actually have some very specific preferences about where we need to go. I just need you to start naming restaurants. Make sure to name the right one within five attempts because I am already getting hangry.”

16. What they say: “I am so going to wear these heels all the time, they’re an investment!”

What they actually mean: “I am so going to wear these heels at the office all the time, and then when I take them off five minutes after I leave the building, nobody is going to see me switch into flats in a back alley and it will look like a seamless, flawless idealization of who I am as a human being.”

17. What they say: “OH MY GOD. LOOK, OVER THERE!”

What they actually mean: “There is a cat in the windowsill over there.”

18. What they say: *Screams bloody murder*

What they actually mean: *Cute dog alert*

19. What they say: “I want to take it slow.”

What they actually mean: “I kind of want to make sure you’re not fucking insane before I get attached.”

20. What they say: “You don’t know my birthday?”

What they actually mean: “I will cut you.”

21. What they say: “I wish my stomach was flatter/ butt was smaller/ thighs didn’t touch.”

What they actually mean: “I actually have zero clue what I look like in contrast to other people, society, and physical standards, but I started mimicking women around me saying this when I was younger and it stuck so I have no idea what any woman is supposed to look like.”

22. What they say: “We mutually decided to end it.”

What they actually mean: “He left me because I was acting crazy which I can now honestly admit.”

23. What they say: “We’re cordial.”

What they actually mean: “I fucking hate him.”

24. What they say: “I don’t know why girls don’t like me.”

What they actually mean: “I’m a bitch to girls and I know exactly why they don’t like me but I want to seem cool, you know?”

25. What they say: “I’m not like other girls.”

What they actually mean: “I have a really warped view on what ‘other girls’ do and will probably be really suspicious of any female friends you do have.”

26. What they say: “I’m a guy’s girl.”

What they actually mean: “I need feminism.”

27. What they say: “I’m so awkward, lol.”

What they actually mean: “I’m hot and wear glasses from time to time.”

28. What they say: “I am obsessed with my best friend.”

What they actually mean: “I am literally obsessed with my best friend.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.