1. Neither of you thinks of love or sex as being effortless if you’re with the “right person.” You go into it knowing you have to work on it.
2. You’re comfortable with yourself. It’s the only way you can be comfortable with another person.
3. You accept your incompatibilities. You’re okay with an awkward transition or unseemly bodily function; you don’t expect the other person to look composed all the time.
4. It’s not that you can just communicate well, but it’s also that you’re comfortable enough to answer honestly. It’s important that neither of you says “yes” out of feeling obligated or fearful that your partner will be angry.
5. You’re not hung up on the numbers. You don’t consider “good sex” to be sex that lasts x amount of time, and you don’t consider “compatibility” to equate to x number of times you do it a day/week/month — whatever. Quality as opposed to quantity, and respect for all levels of libido.
6. You don’t keep secrets from each other out of fear, anxiety or embarrassment — even when it doesn’t pertain to something in the bedroom. Those habits bleed over.
7. You know that it’s important to “communicate the obvious” — vocalizing what you want, what you mean, what you’re doing and what you want to stop without assuming your partner just understands.
8. You’re comfortable with one another, generally speaking, but not too comfortable. You still maintain that spark that makes you want to impress the other person, go a little above and beyond to woo them now and again.
9. You are both interested in the other person’s pleasure. Neither of you are in it for your just own selfish desires or needs — you want the other person to feel good as well.
10. You enjoy the process, not the result. You’re not in a race to orgasm. You both treat the whole thing, from foreplay to finish, as just as heightened and pleasurable as the finale.
11. You prioritize sex. You make time for it because you realize you may not always have time in your schedule to just let it happen randomly.
12. You have the same idea of where sex falls on the “defining a romantic relationship” spectrum.
13. You are aware of one another’s sexual history, and you’re not only respectful of that, but you are mindful of it in the context of your own relationship, and you’re sure to talk about anything that could be sensitive or triggering to the other person.
14. You keep the tension alive outside of the bedroom. You whisper something hot to each other while you’re out and can’t act on it, you text them something sexy now and again. You see the build as an all-day thing, and let them get amped up by it.
15. You’re interested in each other to the extent that you care about what the other person finds sexy. You realize that this isn’t a once-and-done kind of conversation.
16. You don’t see toys as supplementary and demeaning, and you don’t see adventurous, kinky sex as “weird” or humiliating but as fun and potentially a pathway to discover something you yourself never realized you wanted.