Going Down On Girls Vs. Going Down On Guys, As Told By A Bisexual

Opening thought: I write about oral sex too much on the internet.

As a proud bisexual woman I get many inquisitive individuals asking things such as “is it more fun to give head to girls or guys?” and I absolutely love answering because there are pros and cons to each. I have, proudly, fucked my fair share of men and women. More accurately: I was a little wild in high school and went through a breakup that did a number on me a few years ago and fucked my way numb to cope. So here you go, the empirical evidence I have gathered from such ventures. Apologies for the generalizations, I’m pulling from my own experiences, so of course they won’t be universally applicable. Just sayin’ so you can keep the butthurt comments to a minimum (lol yeah right).

Going down on guys, the pros:

  • It’s pretty simple, honestly. There are a few techniques one can employ if so they choose but more or less, slide it down the back of your throat, focus on suction and tongue maneuvering, there you go. It’s easy.
  • They don’t take as long to orgasm.
  • They are usually really grateful about receiving head. They don’t really complain about anything, maybe a “faster” here or there, but more or less, they let you do your thing.
  • Once they’re done, they’re done, and you’ll know.
  • There’s no confusion as to whether or not they’re getting off.
  • It’s usually a lot easier to get them off too.

Going down on guys, the cons:

  • I am a very sexually open person, I can handle most things. I struggle with having god damn semen in my mouth. I literally struggle to not make visible gagging motions. I can’t imagine it’s a flattering thing for the guy. But it’s not about them, it’s about the fact that it is a salty, weirdly textured nightmare and I am not an advanced enough human to handle it.
  • That sensation of, you know, choking and dying and not being able to breathe if you have a gag reflex/a man with a big enough dick.
  • You probably don’t look sexy bobbing your head up and down like that.
  • Pre-cum is weird.
  • Not all of them understand the concept of reciprocation, and they tend to just fall asleep once they’re done, or at least just be really tired.
  • Messier.
  • You have to clean up their shit/risk it getting on your bed/person and like, sometimes it’s hot but most times it’s like ok can we not.
  • Some are really into the person swallowing once they’re done and when these kinds of men are that way they tend to be forward about wanting to “come in your mouth.”

Going down on girls, the pros:

  • Especially in comparison to most men, girl orgasms make you feel really accomplished. They gasp and thrust a lot and it goes on for a while and as they’re like screaming and moaning you feel like a goddess of the vag.
  • Not as physically demanding in terms of things your mouth needs to be able to handle.
  • So much room for possibility for number of fingers, toys, motions, vibrations, tongue placement, etc.
  • Multiple orgasms are easily attained.
  • It’s fun to find that “spot” inside them (not even just the g-spot, just whatever thing really works for them) and watch them contract their whole body and like, freak out.
  • “Straight” girls having lesbian sex for the first time is like, the funnest thing. “I really didn’t question before this, but like, a man has never made me feel this way.”
  • Again, it’s mostly that girl orgasms are these big long to-dos that are akin to like, getting an A on an assignment you weren’t sure about and your teacher writes “You are absolutely amazing, this was the best thing I’ve ever read.” (Replace read with felt and there you go).

Going down on girls, the cons:

  • They get periods and you have the passing thought of “hope that shit doesn’t surprise me one day.”
  • They take longer, and your tongue can only take so much.
  • They can be more particular about what they want and don’t want.
  • They’re always more vocal about what they want and don’t want.
  • They’re physically more sensitive and you can’t just go terribly rough on them without prior discussion.
  • Them not having an orgasm feels like the biggest failure (I have never let it come to this, I will go down with that ship before I don’t see that my girl comes repeatedly).

Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.