1. Signature recipes. If you don’t have a signature recipe, are you really an adult? That’s probably the most profound question since the whole falling tree in the forest debacle. And the whole thing implies that you know how to cook something other than microwaved bacon or cereal, so I mean, it really is phenomenal when you think about it.
2. Entertaining. We used to call this hanging out. Now, we entertain. And we love it. We casually bring it up as we chassé among furnishings at the stores we really can’t afford: oh, this would be great for when we entertain. The only thing better is actually doing it and feeling like you are the most extraordinary human being when your plate set matches and you have more than beer and Vladimir vodka to offer to drink.
3. Brunch. Brunch is phenomenal because it’s just prissy enough to warrant complete admiration from people who want to seem sophisticated, but in reality it’s just an excuse to day drink and eat deliciously fattening food under the premise that doing so for breakfast would just be completely inappropriate. To put this in context, I all but live for Sunday brunch, so…
4. Holiday decorations and seasonal items. Let me tell you what the true mark of adulthood is: someone who
has time makes time to string orange leaves around the frame of their front door for no other purpose than because it looks nice. And lest we forget the financial requirements solid seasonal decor requires– the price of a sturdy Christmas lawn inflatable is out of control if you ask me.
5. When your home decor starts to come together. Because oh my God.
6. If you are ever lucky enough to experience the moment when you pay all your bills, even throw some of your paycheck in savings, and realize that you somehow still have money left over, and so you basically dub yourself a Murdoch and go skipping down the street like the tycoon you feel like.
7. Having your own WiFi network.
8. Furniture that doesn’t have to be assembled.
9. Reading really culturally #deep things like Lean In and for the first time actually knowing about the grown up things people are talking about at parties.
10. Realizing you actually have the money, time, space and means to possibly pursue a functioning, healthy relationship. And by this I mean, wondering how you ever went on a date while you were essentially broke.
11. Tax refunds.
12. A full refrigerator.
13. The knowledge that with every convention of adult “success” you acquire, the more seriously people will take you.
14. Treating people to things and getting to say things like “the first round is on me” while still being so innocently unaware of what that bill will rack up to by the end of the night. The first time you do it is the only time it’s fun.
15. Morning routines. Adults love morning routines. And if there’s anything they love more than morning routines, it’s discussing morning routines, and what latte they picked up and how they meditated for 15 minutes to start the day off with positive energy and for the real go-getters those who cooked themselves a paleo breakfast because they’re health conscious now.
16. Going to sleep on clean, beautiful sheets that aren’t those $20 ones from Target (I’m totally kidding what other kinds of sheets are there?)
17. Things that have “character.” If someone tells you that they like a piece of furniture or a gift or a random thing in your home because it has character, you can all but consider yourself validated in the most elusive, phenomenally profound sense. Kids have nice things. Adults have things with character, even when they’re just thrift store finds that only look purposefully aged. Nobody knows the difference anyway.