1. Taking pictures of people dancing. Without them knowing. And then posting them for the whole world to see how fucking weird and awkward everybody looks flailing around. It’s like really awkward creeping 101. And it’s a fast way to get a lot of people really embarrassed and fucking hating you.
2. Really obvious subtweeting that makes everybody feel awkward.
3. Non-discreetly only staring at their own image while video chatting with someone. How does one non-discreetly do this, you ask? Well, by visibly looking at the corner of the screen, making that weird face everybody does when they look at their own reflection, fixing their hair every few minutes, prompting the other person to either wonder or have to ask “are you even listening to me?” etc.
4. Getting into relationship quarrels on social media. Oh my god. Stop. Stop. Stop. People are clawing their eyeballs right now because of how embarrassed they are for you. This is one aspect of your personal life that NEEDS TO REMAIN PERSONAL.
5. Posting entire albums of photos in which they are IN EVERY PHOTO.
6. Pulling a “prank” such as posting a status on a friends’ Facebook they left up and saying “I’m gay!!!!” and having everybody respond like, “oh my gosh I’m so proud, I always knew, I really did.”
7. Retweeting compliments. Okay fine I’ve done this, I admit it, I know it’s obnoxious and annoying but sometimes it just feels so good to have someone acknowledge you or something you did. How fucking ever, when your ENTIRE FEED is retweets of people saying you’re really pretty and awesome, it’s just… crossing a line. Of annoyance. And into the dark abyss that is GETTING EVERYONE TO UNFOLLOW YOU.
8. Denying anything for longer than 5 consecutive tweets.
9. Posting a photo of something disgusting like a foot fungus. Oh, you don’t think this is real? You don’t think I’ve actually seen someone do this? I have. I have seen rashes, toe funguses, you fucking name it.
10. Posting a horribly failed craft. You’ve already done Pinterest an injustice by taking a virtual machete to their beautiful DIYs. Don’t scar the rest of us.
11. Posting photos of their significant other sleeping next to them. I have actually also received Snapchats of this to which I cannot help but think if someone ever took a photo of my face sleeping and posted it online I mean… we’d be done there. Also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU THINKING.
12. Posting memorials or emotional statuses over things that have NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. You have every right to mourn things if so they have affected you or to post your condolences for the friend of a friend who passed away but when you actually haven’t even met the person stop posting statuses three years later that are like “today is a really hard day for me.”
13. Anything that announces, visually outlines or otherwise declares exactly how far you ran this morning, how many calories you’ve burned or how long you’ve lifted for.
14. An album of selfies titled “me!”