15 Things You Learn From ‘Orange Is The New Black’

This show is so important to me personally, and it’s not because it’s grabbing and hysterical, although those things are awesome. It’s that we’re finally seeing a mainstream series with all the realities of life that need to be presented.

1. The most romantic pickup line in the history of the universe is: “Before I met you the sun was like a yellow grape. But now, it looks like fire in the sky. Why? Because you light a fire inside me.”

2. Something brilliant that the show does is they strip the plot of the Hollywood intricacies like glamorous costumes or sets, and yes, this is mostly due to the nature of the plot, but what really happens is that we’re forced to focus in on what’s happening with the characters, not become distracted by the Hollywood effects. There’s a takeaway here, if you ask me: sometimes you have to strip yourself of all the glamorous distractions to see what’s really beneath the surface. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to be able to do that.

3. Your sexual orientation is Alex Vause.

4. It’s one of the few shows that deviates from hetero-normativity in the main character’s relationships, and that’s something rare. More thoroughly, though, it really presents the viewer with the concept that you really cannot judge people based on where they are in life. You simply don’t know what happened and why they did what they did. I think the show is a lesson in equalizing.

5. But the real life lesson is when Nichols says to Alex: “There’s always hope. Tomorrow will be taco night.”

6. You have had passing thoughts like, oh, prison doesn’t seem so bad, and then you’re like oh my god oh my god no, no, no, no Lord Jesus I am so sorry I need Pensatucky to repent my unpure thoughts.

7. Taylor Schilling bares striking resemblance to Katy Perry. Am I right or…?

8. I do not know for certain, so I can only speculate, but I think there is something to be said for the way in which the inmates relate to men in the series. It’s either they are fighting being oppressed and abused by them, or they are romantically involved with them but always end up being screwed in the end regardless.

9. You’re going to go Pensatucky crazy if Laura Prepon REALLY isn’t coming back for the next season because oh my god.

10. You have a new go-to response for when someone breaks up with you, and it’s “I THREW MY PIE FOR YOU,” which is miles beyond singing the chorus of “Someone Like You” quietly and laughing to yourself while they’re just like… okay then. Not that this has happened to me.

11. Patty Mayonnaise went to prison.

12. The character of Piper is something that I very much appreciate because without seeing this part of her she would have continued on as the blonde, straight, engaged, soap-making socialite that we all see on TV and think is the norm, and what we should strive for. And then we see all her layers.

13. Every show worth watching has subtle feminist motives: “By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to menses.”

14. Trans representation… can I get an AMEN over here? Because this isn’t the kind of representation we usually see. It’s usually just confused, lost, struggling people who are miserable and mid-transition, though I do see how many people could probably relate to that. But seeing a proud, out, happy and well-adjusted trans individual (except for, you know, being in jail…) is quite the stride.

15. And this. TC Mark

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Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.

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