I know I don’t know you. We’ve never met, or maybe we have. I have no idea how life has been treating you these past few weeks or years. But I hope you know that everything is going to be okay.
I know how much you pray at night, and maybe even throughout the day. For whatever life gave you this time, let me apologize on behalf. You do not deserve any of the pain you are feeling right now.
Life has been a rollercoaster ride for the both of us. I know you have been working so hard to pick yourself up again. Please don’t underestimate yourself, the world just threw you out the window, naked and unprepared. You fell to the floor yet somehow you’re still alive, heavily bruised and broken – but alive. I hope you recognize that it takes enormous strength to even stand up.
Right at this moment, I am thankful for you. Yes, somewhere around the world, someone is thankful for your existence.
Because you see, once in my life, I too was thrown out the window. I tried to stand up, but circumstances kept knocking me down. I wanted to fight, but all I could do at that time was lie on the concrete and replay my thoughts. “What did I do wrong?” “Could I have done anything better?” “What will I do now?” “Why do I have to go through this?”
They were thoughts that I did not want. Thoughts that I did not choose. Thoughts that I wished so hard to go away. And you know what, I’m still wishing.
But then some days you’re actually okay. Borderline okay but still, you take it.
You start to feel that tingly sense of happiness again, positive thoughts are flowing through your head like a river. You’re feeling good about yourself and for the first time in a long time, there’s actual fresh air that you can breathe in. And so you hope.
You kiss life like true love’s first, real kiss because that day, the light at the end of the tunnel finally shone brighter for you and you were ok.
But alas, what they say is true; the struggle is in fact quite real. And some days you’re just not okay. Hope drops you like potato in boiling water. Everyone has isolated you and the only thing you have now are your thoughts – again.
The world continues to spin around you; your friends and family continue to go on with their lives as you struggle to control yours. That day, you just want to lie in bed all day and wait for the pain to go away. Wait for the feeling of seclusion to fade until you can finally come out and face the world again. Yes, that wait can feel like an endless spiral to the underworld.
Someone or something broke you out there and you’re left to find the pieces of yourself that were shattered. It wasn’t your choice to become this way. Now, it is much harder to distinguish between wanting things and actually needing them. You are desperate for any form of acceptance as the world continues to dictate what you should be when you don’t even know yet for yourself. It feels like no one will ever truly understand the weight of emotion that you’re carrying inside. And that’s ok.
Understand that you went thru something that almost killed you yet you still managed to stand up. Acknowledge how much strength and beauty you have because amidst all the chaos you’re still working to grow better. Give yourself the credit of continuing to fight despite the struggle pulling you back.
Feel good about the days when you can give back love and especially for the days that you are able to receive it with grace. Please give yourself the kind of understanding that you would give to a friend because you deserve so much more than that.
So, thank you. Because of you, now I know that it’s actually worth standing up. Thank you because by reading this letter today, you actually took the time to understand and love yourself.
The Other Girl Struggling To Love Herself