Latest Posts

How To Swim And Write

Do as much as you can. Do shit that other people would consider “weird” or “dumb” like getting a cheap weave, disguising your gender, changing jobs frequently, getting fired, traveling through the Sahel by yourself on a motorbike, drinking in the morning, growing your nails two inches long, majoring in mortuary science, and/or taking the last bus of the day to the end of the line in the suburbs with no way to get back home.

Ways You Are Better Than Me

You don’t really go out drinking. Well, you do, but you have like one or two drinks and call it a night. There was never a point in your life when you had to have a sip of vodka first thing in the morning to stop the shakes. You find drunkenness rather distasteful, or at least beside the point.

Three Necessary Elements of Good Karaoke

If you are in possession of preexisting sexiness, you can just go up there and sing. (Don’t assume you’re sexy unless multiple people per week tell you so.) If not, you’ll need to put in a little extra effort. Practice blasé aloofness, or crotch-grabbing gestures that are funny and brazen because you are so clearly unsexy.