Somewhere in the midst of time passing, we changed our expectations. We stopped requiring a presence that inspired us and started settling for ambiguous energy. When did our fear of being alone become greater than that of submerging ourselves in some stagnant relationship?
We allow self-sabotage by our own standards.
We justify the most inconsiderate behavior with a collection of excuses to avoid our hollowness. We trudge on, determined that we are incomplete and these half-efforts are going to cultivate a garden of love and support. We root our souls into people that do not have the courtesy to learn how much water or sun we require.
They trim away at us, existing there just below the surface, just enough to keep us hoping for more. Just enough to keep that little flame from going out. Burning our oxygen whenever they need the fuel, but never giving us any life.
They sap our energy. We feel drained and confused. We continue to give, hoping our devotedness will spark them into loving us. Instead, they offer subtle criticisms and vague excuses, masking them with the sweet kisses we have learned to crave. Over time we become pruned into their shape, but we realize that no matter how hard we try to bloom like a rose, we will always be a tiger lily.
We swallowed our fierceness to be more pleasant to someone who never even considered our ambitions. Someone who never descended into the darker depths. Someone who never asked the hard questions, who conveniently disappeared when they felt our jagged edges. They never wanted to hold us in our entirety. They wanted the soft and pleasant side of us to soothe their soul.
We are so much more than that. We must never acquiesce to depleting energies. There must be an equilibrium. We will know when we find the right person — they will strike us like lighting, cracking open our soul. We must be captivated by effort and inspired through inquisition. If they are starstruck by our beauty, there must be a desire to understand our aura. There will be no more settling for someone that only cares to understand half of our truths.
We will only entrust our time in those who ensure our blossoming. We will become comfortable in our wholeness. Only then can we allow someone to join us in flourishing into our most fearless form.