I ended it. And I broke his heart.
When you do something like that, when you shatter someone to their very core, you’d be a heartless monster to wish ill upon them. It’s time to grow up, look ahead, and, most importantly, be kind.
It’s been so many months. I’ve moved on. I’ve dated and fallen in and out of love several times over since the Big One ended. I found peace and I want him to find it too.
When you love someone and you let them go, you don’t want to see them in pain.
There is no bitterness. No envy. There’s no sadness or hatred or anxiety. Everything is how it should be and you both need to embrace it.
Does that sound crazy?
If you’re newly single and not yet over your ex, you might dream about getting back together. Or, maybe you hate them with a fiery rage and you envision making them suffer. There are still too many feelings there.
It’s when you reach utter indifference that you know it’s over for real. There is no more anything there.
That’s why I want what’s best for my ex.
I don’t love him and I don’t hate him. He’s one of the best humans I’ve ever known –he’s just not the human for me. And that’s okay. It has to be okay.
There is a wonderful, witty woman out there who deserves him.
He will love her fully and deeply and kiss her earlobes and make her laugh and offer her massages when her muscles are crying for attention. He’ll wash the dishes and fold the laundry and leave her love notes when he leaves for work in the morning. He will be her very best boyfriend because he’s always been that type.
He excels at boyfriending.
She’ll adore every aspect of his being in a way I never could. She’ll watch him drift off to sleep at night and memorize the curves of his cheekbones. She’ll peer up at him as he wakes up and inhale his earthy morning smell. She’ll fry him eggs and make him coffee and engage him in well-articulated political discussions.
He’ll be energized and happy and whole.
Some days it hurts to think about, but most days I’m completely okay with it. I’m happy — blissfully so — and I want him to have that too.
I want my ex to be done pining for me. I want him to live a joyful life with no regrets. I need him to realize that when I ended it, I did what was best for the both of us. At first, it felt selfish, but ultimately, it was in his best interests too. No one should be with someone who doesn’t appreciate them.
If we had ended up together, I never would have given him what he deserved. Ever expression of love and gratitude would have fallen short. And he, and all the exes in the world, deserves more. Everyone deserves to find their lobster.
When someone breaks your heart, it might feel like the end of the world, but really, they’re doing you a favor. They’re freeing you up to meet the right person.
So, when it comes to my ex and his wellbeing, I want him to find someone who will wipe away his tears and tell him he matters. I’m sorry for causing those tears, but I’ll never regret ending it. No matter how great of a person your ex is, if it’s not working, it’s not working. You can’t fake it forever.
Despite us not ending up together, I picture him making it work with someone great. She’s petite and sassy and smart and everything he needs.
I hope he finds her. I hope she can love him better than I could.