Don’t Date A Nice Guy

As I get older, I hear a lot of women saying things like “I just want to find a NICE guy.” They obviously don’t know what they’re talking about. Of course, you should date a guy that is nice to YOU, your friends, your mom, where it matters, etc. but you don’t want to date a nice guy, period. Don’t make “nice” the defining characteristic of the person you’re attaching yourself to. Be sure that they can and do act nice, but know that there are more important things than a saintly man.

For instance:

Date a guy that has a sense of humor. That will say things so wicked whatever drink you’re sipping will spray out of your nose, because you’re laughing so hard. Date someone you can do silly dance moves with, who will walk through the streets with you at midnight in spring as the dance sweat dries on you, bumming cigarettes off strangers and telling you stories about when he was a child; a teenager; in college. Date someone who sings loudly in public, who picks you up and twirls you, who slams you with snowballs. Date a guy that is the most fun guy in the whole world.

Date a guy who is fiercely loyal. That will stand up for you when a stranger cat calls you, when some bitch from work gives you the side eye, when others are being needlessly horrible. Someone who will kick down the rest of the world for being nasty to you. Date a guy who is your teammate, that has your back, that will never leave it, that will never cheat, that will never not be there when you turn around and need him. Date someone you can rely on.

Date a guy who is brutally honest. That will tell you when you stink, when you’re being mean, when your work needs improvement. Someone who sends back their dinner when it’s wrong. Someone who will tell you the truth when you ask for it, who will never lie to you and who isn’t afraid of the consequences that sometimes come with confession. Date someone who will tell you how they feel, that they love you, that they’re mad at you, that they’re happy with you.

Date a guy who isn’t afraid to kill another man. Nice guys don’t kill people. You should date someone who would kill an intruder, who would murder someone that hurt you, that would defend himself and you and everyone he loves with his life. Don’t date a violent man but date one that in an apocalypse would slit the throats of cannibals like it was the most natural thing in the world. Date someone who, in drastic, dramatic circumstances, would go all the way to survive.

Date a guy who is strong enough to pick you up when you fall. That is even strong enough to let you pick him up when he falls.

Date a guy that will fight for you. That won’t bail when you argue with each other, but that won’t always let you have your own way. Someone who will grow, compromise, move forward with you. Someone with a thick skin that your darkness can’t cut through, can’t scare away, can’t overwhelm or emasculate. Date someone who, when your world is crashing down around you, will stand up and make a Spartacus of himself, and who will not budge, no matter how hard your relationship might seem at the time.

Date a guy who loves and respects you. Even if he stays at the bar an hour longer than he said he would. Even if he doesn’t always make the bed in the morning. Date someone who isn’t perfect, who doesn’t always do things right, who infuriates you in the smallest ways. But date someone who in the biggest ways, the ways that count, makes you wildly happy, and makes you feel safe. Don’t date a nice guy, date someone who is just as terrible as you are, and then be nice to each other.