5 Things I Learned From University (Hint: None Of Them Were Academic)

If you’re lucky, going to college/university/whatever it is you call it in your part of the world will teach you a lot. You’ll learn about all sorts of things that fall into your syllabus, and hopefully at the end you’ll come out a little smarter and a little more ready to be an adult or at least attempt to be an adult. However, not all of what university teaches you is academic. Take it from me–the best lessons are the ones I learned outside the classroom.
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1. Nothing that happened in high school matters

Literally no one cares that you were bullied. No one cares what your final exam scores were. No one cares if you were fat or pretty or a drama nerd or smoked cigarettes in the bathroom. Basically no one gives a shit about your high school experience, and if it seems like one or two people do, it’s because they were super cool in high school and Just Can’t Let It Go. For 99% of people this is great–high school was the crucifiction, and university is your resurrection, except that at this resurrection there happens to be some Men in Black flashing everyone with memory erasure sticks, so that high school just sort of feels like some kind of Lynchian dream you had.

2. Stupid people are all around you

I went to Law School, and I can tell you with no uncertainty that just because I was a smart person doing a smart thing, there were also a lot of stupid people doing that smart thing too. People can be “book smart” and stupid in every other possible way. Also, money.

3. Day drinking

Almost every day at my uni there was a faculty holding some kind of bbq with free booze on the lawn. Like most universities, my uni was also surrounded by pubs. I never knew the art of being completely hammered by 4pm until I went to university. The key is chicken parmigiana. Order all the chicken parmigiana.

4. You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone

It’s a cliche, but you don’t know how good uni is until you’re not there any more. It seems like hell to be going to your casual job, classes AND studying, but it sure beats the Real World (Real World = one in which you cannot shirk classes in order to sleep in until 2pm, and in which is it unacceptable to do jello shots on a Thursday night, or ever). You also won’t believe on this if you’re in school right now, but some day you’ll regret not studying just half an inch harder.

5. Your degree is bullshit

I guess unless you’re going to be a surgeon your degree is pretty useless. I worked in the law profession and aside from acknowledging I had a degree, no one asked me any questions about it, or even for proof. They just let me do law stuff. Likewise, since I’ve been a writer, no one has asked to see any degree at all. They just let me do writing stuff. I’m not saying don’t get a degree, I’m just saying that just like high school, it’s not the turtle’s titties–there’s a lot more to life/the future/your experience than sitting in a room with 20 other wankers, dissecting Camus. TC mark

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