1. Your first instinct upon discovering moldy cheese in the fridge is to cut away the mold and eat the rest.
2. Over the course of your life you have been introduced to no less that 786 strangers as “cousin”, and then never seen them again.
3. You have been to more “family” weddings than you have family members.
4. At said weddings you have met at least 4 other people with the exact same first, middle and last name as you.
5. You believe that no mail is junk mail. There could be a bargain in there somewhere.
6. Hard trash day is your Christmas.
7. When you were a kid you spoke a hybrid English/parent’s native tongue language that only your mother could understand.
8. Your mother insists on telling everyone she was the only one who understood you as a child with the implicit connotation that she believes she is the only one who understands you now.
9. You love telling people that you were a blonde, green eyed baby for like, the first 5 minutes of your life.
10. You believe there is no shame at living with your parents, no matter how old you are.
11. You’re broke all the time but have at least 10k in savings you’ve never told anyone about.
12. Growing up your friends loved coming to your house to eat the piles of traditional food your grandmother would prepare every week.
13. You don’t believe in wasting food, so will eat until you’re sick.
14. You had to help your dad build a second shed in the yard to fit all the broken TVs, radios and other appliances he hoarded over the years.
15. When you were 5 you were allowed to have your first sip of beer.
16. You think it’s weird when grandmas wear any color other than black.
17. You’ve been party to the backyard whole roasting of several large mammals.
18. You think vegetarianism is absolutely absurd.
19. When you’re at a pot luck, you always miss the bucket of fried chicken that was the required centerpiece amongst all the traditional food at every family gathering you ever attended.
20. You’ve peed on countless lemon trees, and plan to pee on many more.