1. Chain smoke cigarettes inside, but sit directly under your bathroom fan so not as to stink out your apartment. In my case the fan is right above the toilet.
2. Get super drunk and run around the streets drawing penises on the windscreens of parked cars.
3. Stand at an open, street facing window and shout “I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNT” every time someone walks by.
4. Turn off your caller i.d. and prank call all your friends. This is also a good opportunity to practice both your accents and your insults.
5. Use your roommate’s sheets to build a giant fort thorough the whole apartment then when they get home deny it. This is also another good time to shout “I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNT.”
6. Spend at least 15 minutes standing by the fridge and trying to decide how much of your roommate’s cheese you can eat without it being obvious that you ate it.
7. Choreograph dance routines to your favorite artist’s entire discography. There is no shame on snow days. Admit to yourself that your favorite artist is Usher. You’re safe here.
8. Go through your phone trying to figure out which past booty call/ex is a big enough sucker to come over and bring you supplies and not get a handy in return.
9. Masturbate all day.
10. Selfies. Lots and lots of selfies.
11. Take your trash/recycling out wearing nothing but your sweats and a t-shirt JUST TO FEEL ALIVE AGAIN.
12. Begin contemplating big ticket issues, like, if Beyonce and Jay-Z have only been married for 5 years, then how the fuck did they beget humanity as we know it?
13. Do crafts. Crafts are only OK when you’re going through a break up or you’re going crazy from being stuck inside, so bust out the macaroni, hot glue gun and glitter. This is your moment to shine. And it’s only a little bit insane.
14. Look at your toes for a really, really long time. You’ll be surprised by how engaging they can be.
15. Most importantly, do not be productive. If you feel yourself starting to “get shit done”, have a nap.