A Non-Disgusting List Of Productive Things I’ve Done On The Toilet

The following is a non-comprehensive list of productive(ish) things I have done while sitting on the toilet relieving myself. Let no time go wasted, no task be completed in isolation from others; “Efficient” is my middle name. Right after “Effluent.”
  1. Brushed my teeth
  2. Online shopped
  3. Skyped my mother
  4. Skyped various other non-New York dwelling friends
  5. Ate a slice of ham
  6. Painted my nails
  7. Watched Seinfeld on my laptop
  8. Read a magazine
  9. Read a book
  10. Booked a hair appointment over the phone
  11. Contemplated the Sheryl Crow method of one-sheet wiping
  12. Contemplated the logistics of two females “crossing swords”
  13. Contemplated the logistics of a sitting female and a standing male “crossing swords”
  14. Wished I could cross swords
  15. Stripped myself completely naked
  16. Put on shoes
  17. Written a post card
  18. Moisturized
  19. Played Zelda on DS
  20. Played pretty much all of the games like Words With Friends and Drawing With Friends
  21. Squeezed ingrown hairs
  22. Plucked bikni line into relative smoothness with only a pair of tweezers
  23. Had a meaningful life conversation with a friend standing over me
  24. Drank a beer
  25. Drank some juice
  26. Smoked a cigarette
  27. Cleaned the toilet (requires pulling some interesting shapes)
  28. Thought about writing this post
  29. Wrote some of this post
  30. Checked my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Email/Formspring
  31. Responded to both personal and work emails
  32. Turned on the bath tap
  33. Killed a cockroach TC Mark
image – Cravendale

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