The following is a non-comprehensive list of productive(ish) things I have done while sitting on the toilet relieving myself. Let no time go wasted, no task be completed in isolation from others; “Efficient” is my middle name. Right after “Effluent.”
- Brushed my teeth
- Online shopped
- Skyped my mother
- Skyped various other non-New York dwelling friends
- Ate a slice of ham
- Painted my nails
- Watched Seinfeld on my laptop
- Read a magazine
- Read a book
- Booked a hair appointment over the phone
- Contemplated the Sheryl Crow method of one-sheet wiping
- Contemplated the logistics of two females “crossing swords”
- Contemplated the logistics of a sitting female and a standing male “crossing swords”
- Wished I could cross swords
- Stripped myself completely naked
- Put on shoes
- Written a post card
- Moisturized
- Played Zelda on DS
- Played pretty much all of the games like Words With Friends and Drawing With Friends
- Squeezed ingrown hairs
- Plucked bikni line into relative smoothness with only a pair of tweezers
- Had a meaningful life conversation with a friend standing over me
- Drank a beer
- Drank some juice
- Smoked a cigarette
- Cleaned the toilet (requires pulling some interesting shapes)
- Thought about writing this post
- Wrote some of this post
- Checked my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Email/Formspring
- Responded to both personal and work emails
- Turned on the bath tap
- Killed a cockroach
image – Cravendale
